Jesus by my side†

Changing myself is a challenge. But, I'm ready to accept it and have Jesus by my side to help me. And some great friends. I have them here to support me. Love me for the way I am. Trying to make myself better too. And about the 'him' thing. I think I'm finally ready to let go. Thanks to a friend. He really teach me alot. Loving myself is the first step in changing myself. Secondly, loving my family. So, who I was is not who I am now. So, I'm trying to be much happier now. Although, I still do get jealous a little. Learning to let go.

So, BORED. It's so early and mum's asking to sleep. NO WAY. My facebook wouldn't load. Takes forever! I couldn't load it for 2 days already! Kill me. Either the PC isn't good or facebook is playing a joke on me. Jeez!

So this ugly mad man suddenly popped up to me asking for C.S!(You wouldn't wanna know what's that. And if you do. I know it is very disgusting.) Unbearable! It's so gross. Dun forget VERY disgusting. So bored. grr! Asking someone you don't know for something like that is totally rude! Abnoxious. Too much.

Life's a bore. When you got nothing to do, read bible. DO IT! I gotta ask my brother for his bible(: It's good for you. I don't know what to do. I'm so empty. Like a shell. With nothing in it.

Gross.

Gross!!

GRRR!

ILG.

Love, Janey(: †Jesus by my side†

Blisters of a Broken heart

So, everyone's telling me Gee, how hard can it be to forget someone useless who treated you like that?! Truth is, GEE IT IS HARD. Gaaah! And so my day was really boring. I was playing guitar. Lifeless. Yeah.. And Jason teached me some new stuff. And well, he told me he read my blog and he knew,basically, what was well.. going on? Well, I kinda told him. He understood. So, his girlfriend works in M.A.C. I was thinking, maybe I'd get my make up done by her if, mum lets. She gave me her 'serious' look and well, that made me shut up.

I've been crouching in pain. I had too much cold drinks and stuff. I wanted to roll on the floor and say... RAAWR! Haha It's too much. Bob got pissed at me because I didn't really practise. And it was really funny. I wanna get red sneakers. So, my mum wanted to kill me for talking about prom too much.

Love

Life

Live.

Gross! Why am I still thinking about him? Shouldn't I just use a frigging gun and just shoot myself? Demmit. Love is bloody blind.

Badly ruined.

So, rejecting guys. Weird but saying no to the guys I DON'T like is a good thing. So, what to blog.. hmm.. It's so boring. Turning the world around seems impossible. So, people actually reads my blog! I'm surprised.

Touche, Alphonsus ain't coming tomorrow! I flipped my theory book closed the instant when mum told me that he's not coming. Haha laughing with glee. BLAST.

I miss my brother. When he's not around, I've got no one to bully. Or talk to. He's still at Kuala Selangor. I asked him to catch a firefly for me. But he said.. NO. Presto. Shutters. So, I asked him to becareful. Cuz something might be sitting next to him.. xD practical lame joke.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

♥Jane(:

Love me, Love me not.

Living my New Year Resolutions are hard. Wait, I don't even have a New Year Resolutions list.. What to do?? So, I feel bloody emotional. So, holidays are so boring. I've got no one to talk to aduixx..! What Melissa said was quite right. Why do we need a New Year Resolution list?? Right! I feel so bloody emotional at times.

Walking past a flower shop makes me feel, hizzy all over. Makes me wanna pluck every petal of every flowers thinking He loves me... He loves me not. Gaaah!! Quit thinking about him JANE! Yikes. Words I've learned today :Hizzy. The meaning of it : Weird, shivery feeling which makes you feel multiple emotions. I like the word! xD Misses the old times when we were hugging.

Muffles. So, I should stop whinning about the past and keep going but can I do it? Hope so. Have you ever heard? Hoping is a dangerous thing. Haha lame joke sorry? Keep going forward.

So my knee and leg still hurt. Typically, people laughs at me for falling off a bike. Damn clumsy. I knocked onto the water meter stone! What todo?? I'm such a noob. I don't even know how to ride a bike. Ouch.So, typically falling off a bike is a noobish thing to do. Zuee was laughing her ass off while I was rolling on the floor. I never actually rode a bike before? So, Grawr.I knocked onto the water meter stone, basically the whole bike when falling on my left leg and my left leg got scraped on the stone. OUCHY. Haha.. I limped home. It was mighty embarresing. Lucky enough to know that her handsome neighbour's gone to China.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So, I went out with Melissa for awhile to try on some dresses for prom. I haven't really looked around the whole shop so, I tried on 3 dresses. Well, 2 of them are actually the same just different colour. Very short. The Blue/black dress is cute(: The lilac one is sweet. Angelic. It's very pretty. 89 bucks. Resonable. For prom(:

Shall blog more when I see another prettier dress(:

-Janey

Tagged

Part 1: On the Outside.

Name: Jane Lee Yoke Chi-Cheng
Eye Colour: Dark brown
Hair Colour: Dark brown more to black
Righty of Lefty: Righty

Part 2: On the Inside.
Date of Birth: 15 June 1996
Current Status: Depressed and Unhappy
Your Heritage: Chinese
Your Fear: Getting Heart-broken again and again
Your Weakness: HIM

Part 3: Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow.
Your thoughts first waking up: It's 9.. Been crying all night
Your bedtime: 12 or later
Your most missed memories: Gawd, You're asking me? Being together with him.

Part 4: Your Pick
Pepsi or Coke:Coke
McD or Burger King:McD
Single or Group Dates: Single
Adidas or Nike: Adidas
Lipton Tea or Nestea: Lipton Tea.
Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla
Capucinno or Coffee: Capucinno

Part 5: Do you..
Smoke: Nope
Curse: Yeah

Part 6: In the Past Month.
Drank alcohols: Yeah.
To the mall:Obviously
Been on stage: Absolutely
Eaten sushi: LIKE YEAH
Dyed your hair: Nope, want to..

Part 7: Have you ever?
Played a stripping game: Never
Changed who you were to fit in: I don't know.

Part 8: Age.
You're hoping to get married: No hopes on that

Part 9: In a Guy/ Girl
Best Eye Colour: Dark brown/blue?
Hair Colour: Anything(:
Long hair or Short Hair: Short. Too long will look like a sissy

Part 10: What were you doing?
1 minute ago: Thinking of the past, blogging
An hour ago: Emo-ing my ass off
1 month ago: Crying my eyes off
1 year ago: Noobing

Part 11: Finish the Sentences.
JUST DO IT, lick my lollipop

Part 12: Tag 10 People
Grace
Ann
Ckk
TK
Meli
VeeVien
Synn Yi
Sze Yie
Divyaa
Zuee (again)

Part 13: List out 5 presents you wish.
A time machine
Cash
Candies
More wishes
A better love life xD

Spamming my emo-ness

So, continue about today. We had a blast putting make up on each other and well, making crap(: We went to Sunway, walked for awhile. Basically, I got a pair of Echo Park slippers which's really nice. So, we reached home and I signed in to msn and started crapping with him. Then Zuee got so pissed she was like 'Gawd, tell him you'd talk to him later and stuff right now, Let's go bake!' But I didn't listen but afew minutes later the net got disconnected so off I go to bake. I was texting him the whole time. While baking, I was texting. Throughout the whole 'conversation' , well, from depression I went to I'm-okay. But to be honest, Not really. Like I've said. What else could I do now? There's nothing now to me anymore.. Besides him. Longing for his love. Gawd, this is very depressing.

I've got no interest in other guys now. I totally lost confidence to date and I don't know what's going on in my life. Love is depressing. This is the reason why I do not want him to read my blog now. I don't think he will now. Well, I don't know. That's what he said. This is sooooo emotional!

I feel like crying so badly now! It hurts alot. More painful then the bike-fall.

Zuee and I played with make-up and I like the glittery blue-ish eye-shadow. Or maybe purple. I so so sooo want to cry. This is bloody annoying. I have to focus on prom. That's the only thing I have now. That's the only thing's left.. For me now..

I have like 4 plasters on my left leg. It's so weird. WILLIES! GET A LIFE JANE! STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM! YOU'RE FRIGGING STUPID! HE DOESN'T EVEN CARE FOR YOU! HE DOES NOT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU! STOP IT!!!

That's all for tonight I guess? I hate my blog.

Perfect prom.

So, I'm basically at Zuee's house and well, I don't know why I'm talking to him. I hate him too much to still love him but I still do. Why am I effing stupid when he don't even like me anymore? But deep down, I still feel the way i felt before. I'm just trying not to make things worst and what else could I do? Besides talking fine-ly to him there's nothing I could do any anymore. Crying silently to bed is like a nightly routine. It's pain. Eye-sore. Waking up with swallen eyes, not a good idea.

So, Zuee and I went shopping today and baked Christmas cookies. Ended up looking like enedible Christmas crap. Haha with ugly icing on it. I iced my name 4 cupcakes. Each letter on each cupcake. Sweating like crap. And after that we went biking when I was like walking/jogging and then I decided to go on the bike where I sucked and technically I don't know how to bike and I fell down. My leg didn't really bleed but a little drop of blood oozed and well i scraped 3 parts of my leg. Well, it hurts. I fell on like, water meter stone? OUCH! I limped back to her house. OUCH again.

I talked to him like a normal friend. its hard. He has no idea that I'm still madly inlove with him but do you know how it feels when you find out that the person that you love, DOES NOT LOVE YOU? You have no idea. That's why I told him not to read my blog. I don't want him to know that, I'm faking infront of him(which is WHAT i'm doing.). I don't want to act fine infront of him but him knowing that I'm still not okey. I don't want that. Why should I lie when he knows the truth? I don't want.. anything to happen anymore. I told him that I'd forget but deep down, I don't know how. I'm like, frigging lost.

I felt like crying while talking to him. He could be fine. I couldn't. I don't want him to see my blog anymore. Knowing all my dirty little secrets. And acting so fine when I see him.? It's a waste of time. See..? I even feel like crying while blogging this crap. Why is life so unfair? Yeah.. Sometimes, I really wished that, I could go back in time. But, that could never happen. No matter how much I love him, he wouldn't love me back or want him to get back together with me. It will never happen.. Well, I don't know but I think he won't. This is friggin sad and depressing. Not a very nice thing going on between us. Don't you feel like dying sometimes? Cuz, right now.? I do. It's very hurting. Very depressing. Love is very unfair and complicating. You love a person but the person would ever love you back.

I shall continue this and blog about what happenned today when I get home.. Cherios..=.=

Shopping for PROM!

I'm so tired! I woke up with my eyes barely opened. I dreamt of him. Unhappy. Why? I dreamt of him, like nothing has changed between us. I felt so hurt. I really did. Anyways, I was a little bit careless and well, my back's starting to hurt again.

Prom's coming up and the songs are good. I went shopping with Divyaa. I still couldn't decide which dress. Well, I haven't actually found the perfect dress. But I found those sexy kinky dresses. I don't know. Not really my type but shall give it a try(: Make up. I'm 13 and well, it's prom of course I have to wear make up. Haha.. I have to look really nice for prom since I think it'll be my only gig. For now. And well, it's my first time singing infront of big people! Well, not the first time but this time is for Rick. I can't embarres him or else I'd be dead. Well, I need a dress, a pair of shoes, some make-up, hair accesories and well, need everything to be perfect!

Don't really feel like blogging today. The internet is much slow and I can't talk to my friends.=.= Curse the frigging net. It's so unfair that my brother could goon msn and I couldn't. Trying to find out who Noob is, is so hard. TELL ME!! I know him?

Being looked up to is hard. Being looked down is harder. Why is life so unfair? Who cares? So, I'm watching Phantom Of The Opera. Make a great deal.. I think it's a great story except the part where the phantom abducted the Christine and stuffs like that. Akward moments. Anyway, the opera house is very nice. It's very.. enchanted and classy(: Clothings equals fabu! Love the lines and acent.Opera singings are bloody lovely!

Anyway, what do you think of blue glittery eye-shadow and deep black eye-liner? And well, light pink lipgloss. Sexy kinky dress and not-so high, high heels haha! Make sure everything is perfect for prom. The perfect prom. Gawd, I shouldn't really be talking about prom. Haha.

-Janey(:

Today.. Was deepshit.

I stayed in the shop with Rick. But he left me alone awhile and that's when thing began to go emotional. I walked around in boredom and i heard the sliding door openned. I waited and suddenly he popped up. He was kinda surprise. Shocked. He asked me where my brother and the rest was. I said 'pool'. He asked me somemore and I actually wanted to scream at his face saying 'Gawd! I don't know! Why can't you frigging call them yourself instead of asking me! You're still talking to me!? What about yesterday?! Go away and stop talking to me!' Wanted to scream that out to his face. But ofcourse, I can't. And well, Julian popped up. And they left soon. So, I sat on the stairs and tears started to cry. I rolled up like a ball and cried. And after that, everyone came back. Rick scolded me. He was really loud and asked me to go to the back in-case he sees me. So I did. I cried more and more and he scolded me more and more too. He left and TK came. He tried to comfort me but yet I still cried. And he left and another person came. Well, I cried for a little while and went back to the shop. And they were trying to make me laugh. Well, I did. And we watched Harry Potter. It was really wierd. I saw him again and I felt like crying again. Well, I tried not too.

I soooo soo soo wanted to go up to him and ask him if I could really punch his face! And the best part is, he called a girl to come to the shop and well.. TK was like, Aiyaaa, His girlfriend laa~! I was jealous. Can you believe it? I feel so damn bad. I don't like this creepy feeling. Feeling jealous and heartbroken is the worst sickness you could get. Trust me. You could never help this feeling. I tried to not bother about him. Laughed and joke with the rest. Went bowling with Tk, Julian, Rick and Joseph(Rick's friend). Well, I only spared once. Well, it was fun atleast. I tooked alot of pictures. Well, not really alot. Just afew. Well, mum found out about me crying and she was bloddy pissed off. She gave me a walk on lecture. I wanted to DIE.

So, munching on potato chips and sipping on japanese tea is much relaxing. I'm trying to get loose of my mind. Nicholas asked me if I really want to let go of C. First of all, I don't know if I have feelings towards him. I don't want him to waste his time waiting and end up with a broken heart. I know how it feels and it's painful. I'm ready to say yes. I don't want him to wait. But it's his decision. Dun say I didn't warn him.

Well, I don't know what else to blog.. so, cherios.

Love, a never ending story.

I couldn't get my mind of the stupid post on facebook. The things he once said, now all turned the opposite. It hurts. You don't and will never know how it feels. I felt like going up to him today and ask 'Can i frigging punch you in the face? ' But you know? I can't do that. That's really mean. Anyway, someone spoiled the snare drum. You know who I mean.. I mean, some of you guys. Surely, you know who. The one who plays the drums in the band. You have no idea what I said to him.

So, Rick told me to choose between That's What You Get and You Belong With Me for prom. Well, He said that That's What You Get is abit too noisy. So, I think I'd choose You Belong With Me and well, wish me luck. I don't wanna screw up and embarres myself infront of hundreds of people. Grown peoples. I'm like the youngest there. Everyone's like form 5 and I'm the only little form 1 there. So, I'm feeling a little emotional now. Today was great until I saw that lame post. I put something really mean on my P.M on msn and commented on facebook on his post.

I wanna kill him so badly. Yes, I do. You never know how painful it is to see it. Grr!! Why is love so painful? Love is so unreasonable. And trying to forget is hard. Why don't he just ignore those questions? Instead, now it's hurting me. The night is cold. I'm kinda freezing. Inspirations. Someone inspired me to blog more. Well, what I'm blogging now is what I'm feeling. I feel very.. emotional. There(: Mood of the day.

Life is so unfair, wait.. Life is never fair. Was never fair.. Grr! LIFE ISN'T FAIR. It's so hard to say? Nope. I couldn't smile now. Why are guys.. uhm.. Mostly all guys be like this? It's unfair where they get advantages of us girls and treat us like dirt after they do.

I better get off the internet before I say something worst. -Janey(:

Do you mind if I'm still madly in love with you?

Grr, kinda hate my feeling. Two guys in my head. *slap slap*. I think that I kinda couldn't let go off it. And the fact that he decided to go his way, and leave me behind like some monkey who just lost it's banana. And well, I don't know. I still kinda hate him when I see him. But well, still kinda.. madly in love with him(can say). Illusions GRR. Haha.. So, well, 'C' typically his name is.. Well, let's just call him C. He is like madly head over heels about me. Well, kinda like him but not as much as you know.. him. He's really sweet. He cares alot. Very.. 'Kan cheong' Get it? Hmm..

Well, holidays just started and Rick told me that I could sing for the Catholic High School prom. Teehee! A duet with him and a song of my own. Hehe! I'm like, special guest. YESH! I wanna get the pretty dress I saw at Sunway Pyramid. It was so pretty! Strapless-tube dress. Hehe.. And well.. get my hair done and stuff. Geez! I should stop thinking that far since i haven't even started singing/rehearse with Rick's band. Hehe..

I nearly finish my big jar of stars.! So happy. In 3 days I could finish! Gawd, the night is so cold. I'm freezing. And there are like more than 6 mosquito bites on my legs! Itchy! so, itchy!! Oooom. Lately, those ghost movies are kinda boring. I don't know what are they doing. When I get older, I shall die my hair(: Hot pink or maybe purple. Blue looks nice too(: Hehe.. Dad's gonner kill me.

Janey.

Poccho!

Holidays are here, summer is near. Gaah! Poetry! Get out of my mind! Hehe anyways, just want to say Happy Holidays! Haha.. So school was normal just that it's the last day of school and I have a pimple. Gross!! And we still have to some lame spot check thanks to those 1Cempaka guys who played their handphones when the headmistress was doing her roundings. Gosh.. Tiring. I caught his fingernails as it was really long.

So, after school we went to Mid Valley. Me, Grace, Nicholas, Chow Yit, Chuan Hong, Ann & Nicholas' friend. Hehe.. We watched 2012! It was frigging awesome! Hehe.. though it was like 2 hours and 45 mins. It was great. Really touching. Ann mearly cried. Haha we shared seats. Well, we went to the gardens cinema. It was like 20 bucks kinda expensive but worthy though.

I want to paint my nails. Do I have time? And well, putting strips of pink fake hair. Sounds fun. I don't know what to do.! I hate my white nail polish! I wanna get a new nail plish. Black?

Oh my gawd! I'm trying to make sense out of this ghost movie I'm watching!! It has no sense. It's so wierd you know? A little girl.. 2 men. 2 women wanna kill each other. Illusions. Wierd and lame show. Both killing each other. Akward. And now a guy's dragging another guy with a string in the swimming pool. Yak yak yeak...

I'm scared of dropping class next year. I couldn't study in a bad class. Hehe.. Kill me instead! xD. Ann's crazy over the enormous sized Domo-kun! Lii-chan thinks so too.!

♥ Janey.

Subjects dumb enough to score E.

This is all so effed up. I only scored 1 A. English. Very typical subject. I feel like a jackass. Don't you? If I don't work hard. I'd end up selling toilet papers or fishballs on the sideroad. Life sucks! Can you believe it? I got number 18 in class. Not a very nice number! Haha.. Though, I've improved. Typically, Ridzuwan got 19. 19!!!!! He failed like.. how many subjects? AND HE COULD GET 19? I pity Nicho-belly. He got like 7As and got the 10th place in class. Synn-Synn! Get well soon! Your sweetheart/honey(I'm confused!) is very worried about you xD.

And so it's the second last day of school. I will miss my buddies. My class. CLASS OF 1 BAKAWALI. They might not be the friendliest people I've ever met but, we're still friends. Something that I hate about holidays is that, I couldn't see my crazy friends. And the person who's head over heels over me.

I wanted to gunshot myself. Lets try a bazooka? Haha Watched the Batman with Rick yesterday. It was awesome! The joker was like.. Buahaha and Batman was like.. I'd catch you! xD Just joking. So, I'm having cold feet.

BOREDD Life sucks! What else do I blog? Nothing. Hehe.. Watching 2012 tomorrow. Pump it!

It's sweet to know that someone did something meaningful for you

LOL. Can you believe it? One gone but another 2 came. Well, I found out a guy from my class and another from form 4. Noob! How could they like a girl like me? I'm nothing special. And well, I'm actually quite touched that the guy from my class made a bottle of stars for me. I never thought that he would like me. Come on laa~~ He usually picks on me. And well, he told me he has a crush on me for 2 months! WOW. Anyways, the form 4 guy is those type of guys, you know.. in those really bad class. 'Bad boy' type. Bad words. Soooo, not into him. He keeps texting me.. non-stop and i did not reply sometimes.

Ignorance(: Well, it's been so long since I've blogged. I have noo mood to blog(: Well, I have no i idea what to blog now. Exams SUCKEDD! I am the 2nd highest for english(: First paper 37/40 and 2nd paper 45/50. Dipshit(: I'm the highest for paper 2! Yippeee! Hehe.. So, anyway, the rest was average. But, still kinda bad. Well, Atleast I past Sejarah.(: Well, Im praying for my B.M marks. If I fail B.M I'd be going to 2K straight.

Well, Not that love is really blind, but blind enough for me to fall into a big hole. Hehe.. trying to get up is hard though. So, lookin on the bright side.. I have no idea. So, a friend of mind was asking me to publish a book, since I like to write so much. Well, I can't. I have no idea and well, my grammars, appostrophies are bad! Hehe.. So BORED> My blog's much more shorter and boring-er. Hehe..

Well, I've watched Jennifer's Body Haha! It was gross and sick. But the guy was kinda cute. Needy's cute. Amanda Seyfreind was awesome. Megan Fox was scary and her character in the show change my point of view towards her. xD well, Got to go(: Have no idea what to blog though

Pathetic smiles

I looked at my calender. 3/11/2009. Hehe.. 2 days past Sunday.. Hehe.. Lately.. I kinda am more happier. Lols.. Trying to forget it IS kinda hard. I stil got them in me. I have to admit. I get jealous. EASILY! Now. I really hate it. Well.. don't ask more when someone loves you. Appreciate it.

Gaaah.. Exams are coming up. If I really don't pass frigging B.M then HELLO 2K(: I feel so noobish la.. I'm bad in my B.M. Work hard! Gambateh..! I want a hair curler. My hair is ugly. Everytime I washed it and when it becomes dry.. It's gonner be really wavy and ugly. Haha.. Now that I've got a hair straightener I wanna try curler. Hope it'll look nice. I'm planning to get it with my own monthly money. Haha.. Hope that mum wouldn't think that I'm crazy. Besides.. She could use it too(:

So, BORED.

I

I L

I Lo

I Lov

I Love

I Love Y

I Love Yo

I Love You

I Love You <3

Hehe.. Shh.. Using the word 'Scandal' alot now! xD It's kinda retarded. Haha.. School was wierd when C.L was staring at me while I duty. Wierd. I really do NOT like it. Ego=maniac! Haha.. learnt it from FB. So anyway.. lately has been really boring. I have no idea what to blog. Blogs are like dead now. Please people(: BLOGG

Loves(: