Not to be confused, I still have rainy days. Days when I feel like bawling my eyes Sahara desert dry and shut everyone out but that's only normal. I am not afraid of bad days for it is not a bad life. I am content. I am content with life even when it's not perfect or the way I've always hoped. Realistically, no one's life is perfect and that makes life, well, perfect. I love how flawed it is. The stresses, angers, disappointment that comes in the string in between of happiness, love and joy. I enjoy the process of falling down as it makes being happy (when I am) a prettier picture. The blacks in the painting compliments the neons after all.
Being 21, I am brave to love again. I deserve the happiness someone who would give whole-heartedly. A commitment that involves growing together. All the memories we shall make and all the fights we could afford and grace through with faith. A love that burns slow and consistent and not just a firework display over New Years Eve. A person to make choices with. Love is not just a feeling, it is a choice. It is a never ending learning journey but I think I'm ready to start walking this path again. However, without it I am okay as I will not seek to find it. It will make its way to me when the time is right. Love is something that will bloom itself.
I also learned to enjoy the little moments. Moments you'd look back realizing that it was small but mighty. To enjoy the company, the talks, the laughter and the tears. I am not afraid to take risks anymore. Life's too short to sit around being petrified to take chances or YOLO and live. I've learned to enjoy life as it is in the moment. Enjoy studying even if you're not the best at it. Enjoy waking up at 8am for classes and enjoy the days you can sleep in. I guess you can say that I am afraid that I'd miss out on the little moments like this in the future when I start working and regret how I did not appreciate all the little things. It helps. It feeds your soul to fuel you to being a little more happy in life.
Be hungry to learn. Be passionate and faithful. Be humble and curious. You lose in life the moment you think you know everything. Don't let your ego surpass your hunger to learn. Look at what life has to offer and always be willing to accept to your best interest. Have an open heart and an open mind. I feel like there are no other ways to learn better from people. No two people would do anything the same way. Listen to their stories and listen to listen, not to reply.
Be thankful. Be thankful for the people who loves you whole-heartedly and be thankful for those who's hurt you. For the people who has shown ample support to me in whatever I do, decisions I make I thank you for choosing to love me the way I am. I am not easy to love but the people in my life never fails to prove their love to me and words will never be enough to express my gratitude. For the people who has ever hurt me, I thank you for molding me into person I am today. The experience you gave me turned into lessons that I will never forget.
Lastly, I would like to apologize to those whom I've hurt and scarred. I'm no saint, I know. There are times when I became and will become unbearable or selfish or stirred up an utter mess for you to handle. I am sorry to have hurt you, to have caused you pain. I am not perfect but I do hope you've learned and grew from it too. I am sorry. Truly am.
At 21, I am not bitter anymore.
“My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.” —Maya Angelou
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