T for trust

Hey, took awhile for me to come back to blogging and I admit that I don't have the consistency to blog all the time. Finals are coming back again real soon but tonight, I feel the need to let out some thoughts.

Everynight for the past week, the only thing that was in my mind was 'why'? Why did things happen the way it did? Why did that person do what that person to do to hurt me this bad? I'm not here to bad mouth anyone. If things were bound to happen, I couldn't stop them. I can never stop anything in God's will. I'm not a big believer in superstitions and what not but I guess I do believe in, if things are meant to be this way then it's meant to be this way. Nothing and no one can stop it. Is it tough for me to accept it? To take it in? Yes. Is it hard for me to process all these negativity? Yes. 

Yes, people will never get the way I feel. They don't know how I'm hurting inside. They don't know how it feels to be cheated. To have your trust taken away just like that as if it doesn't matter. Like you don't even matter as a person. I am thankful to have countless support from my friends. I am thankful to know things and hidden secrets now than in the future, but why? 

Trust is like a piece of paper. Once you crumple it, you can't straighten it seamlessly anymore. Trust is like a valuable piece of glass. Once you break it, you can never put the shattered pieces together anymore. Once you break someone's trust, that person is broken. You can't fix that person and even if you do, it wouldn't be the same anymore. 

Promises are important to me. Promises should be important to everyone. A promise is a bridge to build trust. Without promises, there wouldn't be a trust bridge built. If you can't keep a promise, don't make them. It's as simple as that. Be consistent with what you say and what you do. These are the little things that makes a difference in someone's life. If you can't be the same person from the beginning, don't be that person you are then. 

When people ask me to forget about the whole situation and move on, I just want to clarify one thing. It's not that I can't forget it and move on. You can't have someone giving you a painful cut that is as deep to a point where your bones is visible and ask that person to not feel the pain. This is an aftermath, it's impossible. You can't give them a time limit to stop feeling pain. Eventually it will heal, yes. But for the moments where the pain is excruciating, asking someone to forget about it is impossible. However, I am thankful for the people in my life giving me positivity and support towards me. For not giving up on me even when I'm difficult. The way the pull me up when I don't have the strength to get up. I see it and they will never know how thankful I am to have them in my life. I might not show it but in my heart, I thank you all tremendously.
I will learn to let it go slowly. The pain will subside and the cut will heal. It will leave a scar. A scar to remind me not to play with knives, for it will hurt no one but myself. A scar that has taught me a lesson. A scar that made me realize how important it is to be a better person each and everyday to not be at where I am again. A scar that will remind to be careful with the people I know and will meet in the future.
It's going to be a difficult lock for the next person to break, but it is worth it to put my guards up in order to not get hurt the way I did this time.

''He didn't like it when I wore high heels

But I do

Turn the lock and put my headphones on

He always said he didn't get this song

But I do, I do'' - Begin Again-Taylor Swift