It's still cloudy

"She was the girl, that came with the sunrise,"

I've recently been in a mini slump, a mini downfall. I actually don't know if it was a slump or downfall because overall I have still been feeling really crappy about how I feel. Maybe I can't even consider it as a downfall if I was never even up on me feet the entire time. It's really stupid to feel so low. It's stupid to feel like you owe something to someone or to feel so guilty about what happened to me. I'm guilty for letting someone hurt me the way he did and that's my fault.

That's not healthy.

I'm not healthy. 

I don't know how it's possible to be okay right now. Though, there really isn't anything to feel sad about at this moment, I can't seem to find the strength to know what I want and who I am completely as a person. I sound so dramatic but it's true. I don't know why it's that easy for people to get to me personally. I guess it's because I cared too much and the feeling of betrayal just tastes so bitter and heart-wrenching. Also, it could be the fact that I'm emotionally attached easily. I was? Now? I can't seem to give trust to anyone I know even if I do know in my heart that, that person is worthy of it. I can't afford to be shattered when I'm still in pieces. I can't afford to lose myself when I'm lost. 

But I understand that every end of a dark tunnel is where we finally see light, where we see things in a better way. I know that one day it will all be better. Day by day, I look for people who cares for comfort, people who would give me honesty and not be afraid of hurting my feelings because they want the best for me. I appreciate that people look past my flaws to bring out the best of me when all I see is someone who's completely useless and stupid. I'm getting better day by day, slowly but surely. I just don't want people to disappear and reappear as if I don't have feelings. If you don't want to stay in my life, then leave now and don't come back. If you choose to stay, stay with me. 

Of course, life has its way of working. And I know that even if I can't trust most people I meet and encounter, I should have faith that my life will work out the way it will eventually. As for right now, I'm thankful that I have people who loves me for better or worst. 

Thank you 

xx.

Jane.