Unexpected

People always say that the best things happen at the most unexpected times and I have to agree to that. I told my friends about my 'no dick policy'  because I don't think I could find happiness again. I don't think that anyone would see and love me for the person I am. Hence, I made a list of things my future partner should possess so that I would never settle for anyone who I think is incompatible with me even at the slightest possible side. The thought of never finding someone who would fit everything on my pathetic list was the only thing in my mind but in reality, I'm wrong. Someone did fit every possible criteria that I want my future beau to be and it blows me away how it happened the way it happened. Maybe it was planned for it to happen the way it did - or not, but either way, I thank the stars that it did.

Months after the break up, I felt like there wasn't any need for me to settle down even when I did have guys going after me. I felt like my past still haunts me. I constantly thought about him and it wasn't love that still lingered in me but pain, hurt and betrayal. Not a great feeling at all. Feeling like I don't deserve to be happy and loved the way I love other people back with all my heart just felt like I'm a complete loser. I told my friends all about me having five dachshunds in the future and drinking expensive wine on my balcony in the evenings after I come home from work and they think that I am a bit insane but I honestly think that, that would be my future. I don't know but I honestly do not trust guys in general anymore. It scares me how they can say something and mean something else at the end of the day. If you really know me, if I don't see a future with someone the best thing I'll do is push them away. There's nothing more hurtful than someone not returning your love and trust me, I know exactly how it feels. I'm not some expert in this and being in a relationship is scary. It's like a game that we all want to play but is so afraid of losing because it will hurt like a bitch so badly. I don't exactly know how to get over the feeling I have been feeling for the past 5 months.

But then I met him again. He was my pre-school friend. It was unexpected but it was honestly one of my happiest moments in my life reconnecting with him. It's funny how you can meet someone when you are only 5 years old and lose touch with them and end up meeting them again. Like a second chance. Over a short period of time, we learned so much about each other. He has the dream of going on countless adventures and living everyday with no regrets and no turning back. He has the dream of travelling the world. He cares about his future, academics and career. He cares about his family. I don't know what it is about him but being out and about with him makes me forget about my past completely. He's so happy, cheerful and care-free. He reminded me of myself. How I used to be so care-free and happy. We have so many things in common it feels so comfortable being with him. We went on some adventures and vowed to try out everything together. Travelling, trying out mac n cheese from every hipster cafe that serves it, grocery shopping and tons of stupid things on our little bucket list. Being with him makes me forget about the world. I can stay at the park or McDonald's talking to him. I don't need fancy dates with him because just being able to have him by my side is enough to make me feel like I'm the luckiest girl alive. It's weird how new and strange this feels to me. I question myself sometimes if I'm making the right decisions to trust myself again but it does feel magical. He protects me all the time and the effort he puts in to make me smile just makes me melt. I have honestly never felt this content and genuine with someone. Being able to laugh over stupid jokes and talk about personal issues and feel so safe and secure is a blessing. I don't know if you'll ever read this post but if you are, I wanna thank you for helping me find myself again. I thank you for falling back into my life at the most unexpected time and because so, you are the best thing that has ever happen to me. I'm not worried about distance and not having you by my side all the time, but I am worried about how it would be 10 months from now. If our feelings will fade and will it be inconsistent and slowly turning a beautiful relationship into something one sided. It's not about the gifts, flowers and fancy dates but the amount of effort you put in just to see me smile at the end of the day. I am thankful for that. I don't know what the future has in store for us but I am excited to take one step at a time with you. Thank you for being such a gem in my life. Words can't describe half of the things I feel inside but I hope that one day, you'll be able to find out by seeing the effort and love I am willing to put in for you and for us.

Goodnight xx.