It isn't easy doing that.

Day 4 dying.

OMG! I cried for days. Nights too.. I couldn't help not to. It's so painful. He's so happy with his life now. I don't know what to do. All I wanna do is to forget and study.. But I just couldn't forget.. or study now. Shit. It's effecting my studies. I don't know who to talk to now. I feel so so lost. I couldn't really find a person to share my problems with now. A right person. I really.. don't know what's the meaning of life now. Yes I know, I'm very stupid. But crying day and night? How about that? He is so so happy.. And I'm the opposite. Why did he played me? If he didn't really liked me, then why did he tell me? Why did he lied to me? Why am I so stupid? WHY? He poached my heart. So painful. Does he feel the same still? Why am I still thinking? I'm crying now. Losing my senses. Everyone's asking me to forget. Even he is trying to forget me. So, why am I still thinking? Dipshit.. bullshit. If I could wish for anything? I'd wish for a turn. I wanna die. I so hate myself. I don't know what else I could do.? I don't know how to face him. I don't think he'd even bother to look at me when I see him. I think tears would bust out from my eyes. Or hide in the toilet.. I give myself a 10% today.

I feel like a dumbass. My friends are helping me.. Everyone's asking me to forget. HELL I KNOW! But it's not easy to forget! It's not i could do it! Everyone's telling me not to think about him. Bullshit.. Yes I know, I should. But, have you thought of how hard could it be? It's like.. making a cow to play a piano. The more I'm listening to 'Another Hearts Call', the more I'm crying. I remember the times we laugh.. My life's a disaster now. He's in a mess? I don't think so, he's more happy than me like.. 70% I could tell. It's like nothing to him.

I ate medicine. My sickness isn't gone. It's becoming worst. I did not smile. I didn't eat much. I'm losing weight. I'm starving myself. No one cares. Even if I died. Joking la. :( I'd never ask for anyone but you.. I don't know what to do. I really don't. My paths are dark. Cold. Grandma's asking me to eat but I told her I wasn't hungry. Mum's gonna kill me.

Hate myself. Like I said, someone stab me and run. Or I suddenly get brain damage.. OR tumour. OR a cancer. Bleak.. Or suddenly faint. And die the next. Fun. Wish me luck.. haih..

Loves, Janey. The sulking. :(

Motivations! xD

Good news people! I've started blogging again. Bad news is, I forgotten how to put all my followers, cbox and crap in it again. Oh well, like what people say, one step at a time. I wanna thank my dear, DANA for motivating me to blog again. xD I O U. xD So, you guys must be curious wha happened to me? I died. And came back. Haha... not a good joke huh? I bet that later on, I'd be bored again. And stop blogging for awhile. Camwhore! Haha, joking.

So, school is getting lamer- and lamer. Have no idea how'd survive my next 4 years. Haha.. Think I'd fight up to 2A next year? Not a chance. I'm too stupid to. Muahaha... I need Yumey to help me on my blog again. I need back my beautiful followers xD I feel dem bad when i had to delete my old blog. I was inlove with it! Sorry, must be thinking, you're dem wierd! Yes.. Yes i am. Gimme a break pepo! Smile. Haha..

Yuet Nam's gonner kill me. Haha.. xD no offence. Wanna know something funny?? A week ago, I was spring cleaning my room. I trash alot.. (i meant ALOOOOT) I didn't notice my prefects' tie, name tag and badge weren't there. I thought It was in the mess after i clean up. And after i cleaned. And the day when we had to return to school, i noticed i lost those 3. Impossible. 3 things at once? C'mon. I was running late. So I had to go to school empty. I cried. Yes. Lame lame. Ofcourse, Justine had to denda me. (But I haven't pay) OK? Lols! I suffered. xD So, after school, dad helped me find those things, but can't find them. So he called the person who made them!!! Haha.. I bought a tie, a badge and ordered name tag. I waited and waited. I had to wear some lame tag which i had to write my name on for days!!! LOLS! Ok, so today's Friday rights? I Just got my new name tag. And later i went to MV. I took the bag that i brought to Vee's house the pass week and was shaking my legs(for reasons) and something fell.

IT WAS MY LONG LOST BADGE!!!!! I WAS LIKE.. HURRRRAAAY!! WOOT WOOT *The winning dance* xD and dug my bag, found my tie and then my name tag! I showed dad. Ofcuz, he was pissed. Then he was like, aha, i surely know that you'd find it. Now you got 2 sets. xD good la. You owe me 12 bucks. xD I texted Dana right aways! Haha.. Silly, messy, clumsy me! xD The potato. Muahaha.

Dem.. feel dem hyper now! READ READ READ! Link me too. Please leave a comment. (: Loves.