The return :D

I'm back. After a long run of exams. Topsy turveys.

Good bye to fucking exams and hello to my teenage dream.

Ofcourse, growing up partially involves in vulgar terms and puppy love relationships.

I'm off the hook.

Not into it anymore. Pfft.

I'm such a bad girl.

Har har.

Ask any girl on the street, they'd tell you they are or HAD secretly dated.

It's normal.

so whatever.

I'm putting my blog free. Again :)

Not privating it since I have no more secrets.

Besides the fact of my aunt stalking my blog(no offence.)

Guess what?

Nothing. Tee hee!!

I'm such a nut bomb sometimes.

Agree?

Holidays are coming.

We SHOULD be like Phineas and Ferb.

Building crap, having friends coming over.

Hanging out at our backyard.

Wait, what the fudge am I talking about?

I don't HAVE a backyard.

Boo. Wells.

I have tuition like at 8.

I know what you're thinking.

Who the fudge goes tuition after exams.

Apparently me, Dana, Wei Jian and some people.

I wanna ace my PMR.

Don't ask why, because it's a must :)

Wells, I shall continue blogging later.

At night.

I have loads to tell :D

Lovesss

Realize.

Hey guys, sorry it took some time for me to blog.

Exams're coming now.

I am like effing dead.

I need to study.

Anyways, I don't wanna talk about what happened today.

I was angry but I'm okay now.

Wells, I'm listening to Colbie Callait's Realize.

It's really sweet.

Oh wells, although I don't wanna talk about my home personals

I gotta tel you how much fun we had in school today :)

Ann got me this really yucky lipgloss from Australia

And it smells like paint.

Like really disgusting and soon, we put it on Sze and she frigging kissed my hand.

We chased around. It was hilarious.

Then we took turns to put it.

And guess what?

We wanted to put some on Bryan and we grabbed whole of him

cuz he's moving like mad.

It took like 7 people to peg him down and someone squeezed some on his lips

Hahas.

I don't know what else to blog.

Life seems pretty boring.

oh welllssss!

:) See you. x.x

Boring person.

Hello :)

People, it's finally OKAY for me to unlock my privacy on facebook.

After all the stupid depressions

I figured out it's HIS lost :)

Not mine.

So I'm happy.

Again.

Yesh,once and again.

So, lets start out again with Thursday,

Ahaha, yesh I snuck out with Sze and went to KFC illegally.

I'm such a baddass right?

Whatevers.

We ordered food and i took one piece of chicken.

I ate half way and went down to see where was Vee.

Guess what?

I couldn't find him so I went back up.

Guess what, again?

He was sitting next to Sze.

I was like 0.0 how did you get up?

Apparently, He walked the other side when I was about to walk down.

God, embarrassing right??

I bit like afew bites of my chicken and went walking around with him.

The rest, aiya, don't need to know okay?

HAHA

I'm feeling hyped today.

Yawn yawn yawn.

Lately, I have the habit of staying up till its like 3?

I've changed!

Oh my god.

Something is definately wrong with me.

God dad's making us eat now.

Tass :)

Thursday fever

Hello people!

Wells, guess what?

Yesterday, Sze Yie and I went out to KFC.

Yesh, Vee didn't drove.

Boo him, for that.

HAHA- just kidding.

Life has been,

pretty good.

Without him.

I had a fight with dad.

This afternoon.

Don't know why but I kinda hate him

For like, that instant.

Things are okay now.

I feel really bored tonight.

Someone please talk to me.

Zank you :)

Muahaha.

Darkside of the sun.

DUDE, guess what?

nothing.

AHA. lame right?

Wells, today in school we cooked in KH.

It was fun.

Sze and I made our spaghetti real good.

Yumm :)

Anyways, today my mood was pretty okay.

I felt down. Obviously?

But I tried not to show it.

I tried to be okay.

I tried to be me.

I made it like 50% today.

I had tummy ache.

I went crazy abit.

That only morphined my pain alittle.

Went home.

Gave dad, Sis and mom my pasta and they said it was good.

Thumbs up to that :)

And sze.

Life is so tiring.

I don't know why but yeah.

Don't worry la people!

I didn't cut myself.

I didn't hurt myself.

Someone asked me.

What's the point of hurting yourself?

I said nothing. Just for fun.

LOL.

I hate losing sometimes,

expecially to myself.

Vee texted me this morning.

What the hell right?

He's like in exams and he said it's boring.

AHA.

that weirdo :P

shit face.

Fighting again.

He's getting mad at me always.

I don't bother anymore la.

Why can't he fugging understands that I'M A GIRL.

WITH A WEAK HEART.

HE CAN BE OKAY but I MIGHT NOT BE YET.

GET REAL.

Sorry can't be applied on everything.

I just am too tired.

Don't know what to blog.

Say

think

cry

too tired for everything including living.

My little heart.

My pillow has a patch or stain from my tears last night. F*CK.

It's quite obvious. And my pillow case is NEW.

Anyways, I removed the keychain under my pillow and talked to vee till like 3 in the morning.

Bitch. Total bitch of me.

Anyways, I actually was okay until I slept.

And woke up next morning feeling like dirt.

So I text vee saying i feel really sucky.

He replied quite late, I had already left for school.

I reached school and I could feel this heavy feeling in my stomach and throat

but I tahan-ed it.

Untill Hui Lim and Carmen reached

My tears came pouring.

I tried to stop and I did.. just for afew seconds but I raced to Synn Yi and told her everything. We went to toilet and kinda skipped perhimpunan.

Amanda(a senior) came ronda-ing the block and she saw me and synn.

And Sze

She left us alone but told us to go down as soon as I'm okay.

I cried so much that I finished a packet of tissue at once.

I know I was supposed to stay strong and be okay

but obviously I have sads in me.

I was quite quiet the whole day.

I suddenly got high and went crazy.

I kept blurting stupid things out and got really crazy.

Then it was too much for me..

I squatted down and Sze, Carmen and Hui thought I was having some hungover moment but

Suddenly tears came pouring down.

I couldn't help myself but to let everything out

Since I could only be ME at school.

It was too much for me to handle.

It happened a little too many times.

After I stopped Synn asked us to go toilet with her.

Sze and I went with her and I couldn't help not crying.

I looked down from the block.. Cried more.

Brandon said something hurtful to me earlier.

So did Hui.

She said: I never got dumped before and that really hurt me. I got dumped 4 times..

I kept quiet till the final bell rang.

I was feeling more representable after that..

Though I still am upset.

When I told him I was fine last night, I really was.

But obviously it's hard.

IT'S A BREAKUP.

Anyways, planned to go KFC with Sze and Vee and soon a whole group told me they'd go too.

HAHA Vee's car might burst.

After that, I went to Seng Kee and ate.

Forced myself.

My stomach wasn't feeling well. I had gastric earlier.

I actually didn't wanna eat in school but Sze and Synn forced me and I did.

Shoved nasi lemak into my mouth.

Tasted like crap.

Reached home, checked my phone.

3 messages.

Vee.

Hui.

Vee.

Vee was asking if I was okay.

I told him that I cried and he said he thought I was okay last night.

Hui wanted me to help her get magazines.

Now I'm texting with Synn.

Oh I missed out something!

I was so bored and moody I dug out my ruler and started using the edges to scratch myself.

I know I promised everyone not to hurt myself.

But this isn't bleeding.

So I just played with my ruler and then Sze took a pin out and started cutting herself with it.

She helped me too, in my own will. Duh.

My arms are full of light scratch marks.

Don't bother.

Wells, Life really sucks.

I wanna get wasted so badly now with Ong Sze Yie.

And Yeoh Synn Yi.

And Ann Irvina Ravinther.

1,2,3,4.

I'm done.

Cheers.

I hate you. Bitch.

You think breaking up is the best answer.

Think again.

I did so much for you.

This is how you treat me?

You always say that I don't understand you.

I DID. I DO.

But do YOU understand me?!

Do you know how i feel now?

Do you know how bad i wanna cut myself now.

I wanna DIE.

I wish you would BURN in hell right now.

I wish that I never started with you.

Why must I suffer all these pain over and over?

Once twice thrice.

NOW AGAIN.

You promised me you won't hurt me. LIAR.

I am so lost right now.

I don't wanna eat.

I don't wanna do anything.

I just wanna cry and tell myself that things will be okay, it's just a bad dream.

But it's not.

You know what sucks the most?

You finally really trust this one person and the whole world fucking comes down on you.

I've always think ; Hmm, if I do this.. He won't like it.

I'd try to stop and think for you.

I'd think of YOU before I think of ME.

I know you might not believe it but it's the truth..

I give up..

I just feel so lost..

Teenage Dream :)

You think I'm pretty

Without any makeup on

You think I'm funny

When I tell the punchline wrong

I know you get me

So I let my walls come down, down

Before you met me

I was alright

but things were kinda heavy

You brought me to life

Now every February

You'll be my Valentine

Valentine

Let's go all the way tonight

No regrets,

just love

We can dance,

until we die

You and I,

will be young forever

You make me feel

Like I'm livin' a

Teenage dream

The way you turn me on

I can't sleep

Let's run away and

Don't ever look back,

Don't ever look back

My heart stops

When you look at me

Just one touch

Now baby I believe

This is real

So take a chance and

Don't ever look back,

Don't ever look back

We drove to Cali

And got drunk on the beach

Got a motel and

Built a fort out of sheets

I finally found you

My missing puzzle piece

I'm complete

Let's go all the way tonight

No regrets, just love

We can dance, until we die

You and I, will be young forever

You make me feel

Like I'm livin' a

Teenage dream

The way you turn me on

I can't sleep

Let's run away and

Don't ever look back,

Don't ever look back

My heart stops

When you look at me

Just one touch

Now baby I believe

This is real

So take a chance and

Don't ever look back,

Don't ever look back

I'mma get your heart racing

In my skin tights jeans

Be your teenage dream tonight

Let you put your hands on me

In my skin tight jeans

Be your teenage dream tonight

Yoooouuu

You make me feel

Like I'm livin' a

Teenage dream

The way you turn me on

I can't sleep

Let's run away and

Don't ever look back,

Don't ever look back

No

My heart stops

When you look at me

Just one touch

Now baby I believe

This is real

So take a chance and

Don't ever look back,

Don't ever look back

I'mma get your heart racing

In my skin tights jeans

Be your teenage dream tonight

Let you put your hands on me

In my skin tight jeans

Be your teenage dream tonight

(Tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight)

sorry isn't the word.

Remember all the times we had?

Good and bad?

You always tell me to hold on.?

And you'd always be there for me.

You're a really sweet guy.

And I'm really lucky to have you.

And I'm sorry about yesterday.

I just can't help being depressed.

I know it'll kill us.

Probably not now,

but sooner??

I love you.

And I really mean everything I said yesterday.

I MEAN THEM.

Anyways, I don't know what to say.

I'm sorry - seems to be such a word.

I should be happy.

I should be glad.

Why am I feeling like this?

RAWR.

I just wanna say I love you.

I mean it.

ILY

F*ck you all.

Argued with you.

Not a fun thing to do.

..

Just don't know what to say after reading your blog.

But I'm okay.

Don't worry.

So what if there's someone better.

I like YOU.

I love YOU.

You.

Do you understand?

Whatever la.. I'm born to get hurt anyways.

I don't mind.

Sorry.

Yes, you have always let me make decisions.

Yes, you never tie me up.

You made me feel like I'm controlling everything.

Like before.

When I was with Vee.

I was controlling.

I was a freak.

I was like what- obsessive.?

I was like mad.

I was a bitch.

It took me awhile to forget how it feels

and change.

And I did.

But now? Everything comes back.

Now, I'm feeling all of that.

Again and again.

Probably it's my fault.

I can't blame no shit on anyone.

Talking to you was really great but after reading your post.

Ouch.

Thanks.

You don't care about me talking to Vee.

No I am NOT defending him.

Don't drag him into this mess.

He didn't do anything.

Besides, listening and giving some crappy advice,

he's a NOBODY to me now.

Except a friend.

That's all.

You say you're used to be lonely.

I say I'm used to getting hurt.

It's the same thing.

Like seriously,

I don't care if I met a guy who's better than you.

It goes around, there's still have something special about YOU.

Do you want me to say : Jerome, I don't want to wait anymore? I met someone better so you can go on with your life.?

You always say I don't understand you.

What about YOU?

What about other people, too?

Did they ever understand me?

I'm always trying to give you the best of me.

Make you happy.

Feeling insecure isn't not trusting you.

It's a weird feeling thats all.

I wanna scream,too.

Louder.

I'm trying to stay strong.

No point, sometimes.

______________________________________

Tuition was bad.

I was moody in the car.

Synn asked me what happened?

I said nothing, I'm okay what.

Another lie.

She knows..

Hui knows too.

And something really bad happened at tuition.

bloody chicken little.

I don't wanna blog about it.

I'm just tired.

I'm getting really tired of life.

I just got scolded from dad..

He said I look down too much on myself.

I didn't bother looking at him.

I don't wanna listen to anything.

I have nothing to say liao.

speechless.