Living up the limitations

Guess what? I promised a friend I have to live happy. And smile. Can't cry or emo. I am trying to.. my dad gave me a 30 minute lecture. Demmit? I wanted to die. The whole day, dad was like.. yapping in my ears. Gimme a break already.! He ain't that bad. I really don't believe. I don't care how bad my brother dishes about him. Convincing me that he's not worth it. I wanted to die. I don't believe it. I really don't care. But.. I don't know. I have to try to forget now. I'm so bored. Tired.. It's painful. I can't believe it. I lied to him. I said I was fine. I'm okey. But no.. I just don't know what's happening in my life. I feel like a fool. =.= I so wanna die. I still feel pain in me. Can you believe I'm still this stupid. Its the worst of me.

Thats all for now. Janey

Act as if I was..

Day 6 Dying.

I chatted with him. It turned out he wanted to say 'HI' to me. But, he saw me looking so down, he was afraid that I'd punch him.=.= SWT. I don't know what to say last night. I was like.. uhm ok? Then we turned out to argue. Then this morning I texted him saying sorry. I don't want anymore troubles. I put smileys. I put 'haha' and stuff but I kinda don't really mean it. I want to.. but I just don't know. I don't wanna make until we couldn't be friends. I'm so lame. I fought with him. I didn't like it. Its painful enough for me to be like that. So I kinda acted. If he finds out. He'd really hate me. Gonner kill me. He'll hate me. I promised him I'd forget. And stop crying. Haih.. Lollipops.. bleak. Life's hard. Living it is harder. I have to stop. But don't know how. RAWR..=.= I give myself a 25%

Omg.. Guitar was awesome today. I was happy the other half of the class. I WAS HAPPY! WAS!!!! Stupid..=.= I wanna die. Something's wrong with me today.. Not just today. Lately.. =.= well, I just don't know .. RAWR. I'm speechless. My parents scolded me. Basically, mum knows. But dad doesn't.. They gave me some scolding. And this morning I woke up.. =.=<----- Like that. I lied on my bed. Thinking so many things. =.=

I thought back about the past. I cried. Tears were rolling down my cheeks. Crazy liao. OMG rights? I promised that I won't. GAWD.. I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY! Just devasted..

I'd blog when I'm free. Maybe at night too. K? Janey.

Unbelievable Facts.

Day 5 Dying.

Can you believe it? I still cried for him? He don't even bother about me! I saw him today.. but guess what people? He pretended that he didn't see me at all.. Wow.. Jerk. I still like a jerk? OMG? I still cried for him? I'm so bloody shit stupid?! I don't know what am I going to do? I see him.. he ignores. Pretend I'm dead. I'm hopeless. So today, my brother had band. A friend arrived early. He knew about it. So, judging by my friggin stupid face. He could tell I was still bloody emo. My mum called me and asked me if i wanted anything to eat. I told her I wasn't hungry. Then she was like.. you sure? What happened to you?!Blaah Blaah.. Then he heard I didn't eat. Yeaap. =.= He dug out some Kit Kat and gave one bar to me. I told him I wasn't hungry. I only had a piece of break for breakfast! =.= It was like..9? And it was 2 then. I rejected the piece of Kit Kat still but he insisted. He was like. You hadn't ate anything since that early! Eat it! I just took it.. SWT! Mum bought me bread. SWT. I tried not to cry. I still thought of him. I got into trouble because of all these.

Mum was mad at me. Dad was too. I hid and cry but dad found out. But he didn't knew about all these. I got a hell of a scolding from my parents. Awesome.. Perfect. I cried more. Anymore cryings I'm gonner go blind. Yes.. I'd rather DIE. I didn't bother. My friends're there to support me.. but I'm letting them down.

Mosquitos are bitting my legs. Hope I'd get denggi. Bone pain. And have to get blood test. Needles poke in me. Atleast I'm not torturing myself as in suicide. Good idea. Haih..

Can you believe? He was so.. cold?! He pretended I wasn't there.=.= I wanted to go scream at him. But.. for what? He didn't bother.. means? 0 lo.. He doesn't like me also.? *sighs*

Went Kamdar with Melissa today. Felt some really nice fabrics. Thumbs up. But kinda expensive.. She wanted to treat me Baskin Robins' ice-cream but.. I wasn't in a mood for it. Her grandma was like.. Jane? You don't want? I was like.. uhmm no thanks? Yeesh.

I finish watching D.I.E in 3 days time. My mum finished it just yesterday. I was like.. swt? I'm watching 1 disc in 1 day. Sit until my back pain.=.= Kill me instead people!

Pain pain pain.. Stil got K.H work. Some drawings're still undone. I have to finish it now.. Cherio people.

Loves.. Janey. (still ):)

It isn't easy doing that.

Day 4 dying.

OMG! I cried for days. Nights too.. I couldn't help not to. It's so painful. He's so happy with his life now. I don't know what to do. All I wanna do is to forget and study.. But I just couldn't forget.. or study now. Shit. It's effecting my studies. I don't know who to talk to now. I feel so so lost. I couldn't really find a person to share my problems with now. A right person. I really.. don't know what's the meaning of life now. Yes I know, I'm very stupid. But crying day and night? How about that? He is so so happy.. And I'm the opposite. Why did he played me? If he didn't really liked me, then why did he tell me? Why did he lied to me? Why am I so stupid? WHY? He poached my heart. So painful. Does he feel the same still? Why am I still thinking? I'm crying now. Losing my senses. Everyone's asking me to forget. Even he is trying to forget me. So, why am I still thinking? Dipshit.. bullshit. If I could wish for anything? I'd wish for a turn. I wanna die. I so hate myself. I don't know what else I could do.? I don't know how to face him. I don't think he'd even bother to look at me when I see him. I think tears would bust out from my eyes. Or hide in the toilet.. I give myself a 10% today.

I feel like a dumbass. My friends are helping me.. Everyone's asking me to forget. HELL I KNOW! But it's not easy to forget! It's not i could do it! Everyone's telling me not to think about him. Bullshit.. Yes I know, I should. But, have you thought of how hard could it be? It's like.. making a cow to play a piano. The more I'm listening to 'Another Hearts Call', the more I'm crying. I remember the times we laugh.. My life's a disaster now. He's in a mess? I don't think so, he's more happy than me like.. 70% I could tell. It's like nothing to him.

I ate medicine. My sickness isn't gone. It's becoming worst. I did not smile. I didn't eat much. I'm losing weight. I'm starving myself. No one cares. Even if I died. Joking la. :( I'd never ask for anyone but you.. I don't know what to do. I really don't. My paths are dark. Cold. Grandma's asking me to eat but I told her I wasn't hungry. Mum's gonna kill me.

Hate myself. Like I said, someone stab me and run. Or I suddenly get brain damage.. OR tumour. OR a cancer. Bleak.. Or suddenly faint. And die the next. Fun. Wish me luck.. haih..

Loves, Janey. The sulking. :(

Are you still feeling the way you felt before?

I Couldn't get my mind out of it just. It's like pages of a love story tearing out by some evil person. Yes.. It is true.? I cried. Till now. I kept listening to 'Another Heart Calls' and I couldn't help but remember. I couldn't help but cry. Vee told me.. More crying I'm going to go blind. I'm thinking, letme be it then. But I don't wanna hurt them. I called a friend when I was hiding in the toilet crying so that my mum would not see me. I hid in a cubicle. But he was busy.. He convince me not to cry. Couldn't help it. So I just said bye. Then I called YN. He heard me sobbing and sobbing.. I couldn't even said hello. It was blury. I couldn't here him. Just my heart crying. It was so painful. I finally talked to him. But I had to stop. I couldn't hide in the toilet forever so i said bye. And I texted him. He replied 'Kesian you la.. You cried so badly.' I was like.. Yeeaaah..

I'm listening to the song now. I'm crying my heart out. You guys must be thinking 'Jeez! STOP CRYING, IT'S STUPID!' Yeah I know.. but could you not cry If you were me.. I wanna scream at him. Why is he such a jerk to me? The most important thing is.. Why do I still love a jerk? I don't wanna think of him as a jerk. I know he wanna study. But now he made me lost. And now.. I couldn't study. Hope he's having a good time. *chuckles* What am I kidding? He is?! He ain't bothering a shit about me. True enough. I'm so stupid. I'm asking all over about him. SWT!

'Kor.. Uhmm.. Can I...? Urgh.. NOTHING LA!' OMG right? I said that to my brother. I bet he knew how i felt. He kept scolding me. Yea.. I heard him talking to my mum about something.. Something like.. 'I didn't know she'd sulk till like that..-' or something. True. I act like i couldn't hear anything. Then he came in my room. Asking me, 'Hey, did you hear anything just now?' I was like.. No? Haih.. I'm so useless. Would someone stab me and run?

*end of blog for today*

As deep as I need you, You wanna leave it all~ Another Hearts Call.

Loves, Janey. (I guess, someone else were calling him... ):)

Wish I could Die.

Day 3 Dying.

RAWR! Kill me people. 2 days no talking to him is frigging torture. I feel so upset. WHY? I got a one way scolding by someone. I wanted to die. I don't know why. Why is life so unfair? Yeah.. Life is never fair. Would someone KILL ME ALREADY? I really miss him. I want to text him. But how? I dunno how. I dun wanna create more trouble. I bet he doesnt wanna talk to me. I don't know la. Someone help me? I miss him like crazy but I don't know how's he doing. It's torture.. Really don't want to be like this but theres a big hole in my heart. I dunno how i could express it out. I told a friend that i'm over it but it's not true. I just couldn't.. Get it out of me. He could act like theres nothing wrong with it. Nothing's up. Or wrong. He's SOO happy. How about me?? Has he not thought of me?? I guess.. not.. So painful.. Day 3 I give myself a 40%

Hell, have no idea what to do. Its so damn boring. Really.. I feel so down. I dun even feel like eating.. I din eat much. Not much.. Lost my appetite. Lost weight and lost my smile. I don't know what to blog much.. Watching D.I.E.. Funny but not really laughing much? Nope. Haih... I feel like a burden. Really..

I don't know what to do.. No one understands how I feel. You have no idea.. I know dying isn't a way. Just really, upset and down. And... uhm.. I dunno la.. It's just wierd. Feel so cold. Wierd.. Feel like.. I'm lost in my own world. Black and blur. All around me. No matter what i eat. Its all sour or bitter. Really. I ate chocolate and it was bitter. I drank a cup of Glucose(which my mum put so much) I still tasted it was sour. I didn't eat lollipop. Cuz it'll remind me of him.

Not now.. nah.. Naaah. Crazy. I dunno what to do now. Aiks.. My blog's bloody lame. No one even bother to read it now. My rainbow is colourless now. It used to have all 7 colours in it. Even the sky is even blue-er(If theres such word?) when he is with me. Right. But now the skies are grey, they grass are green-er too. Trying to not think about him.

Loves, Janey

Let go if you could but I couldn't.

Day 2 Dying.

Gawd! I cried the whole day at school. You have no idea.! I wanted to scream. But No way. Guys were teasing me.. My face was red. Really red. I cried whenever I think of him. And which is.. ALL THE TIME! Everyone's telling me I should forget him and move on.. How? Is he doing the same? Hmm.. I bet he'd do it really fast. It doesnt matter.. I guess? Why do I still feel for him? How stupid? I don't know..It hurting. But I can't just stop.. It's mental sickness.? Lols.. Stupid me. He don't care about me already. Why? Do I still bother? It hurts. Ditto.. I fell so deep for him now it's so hard to get out. He IS trying to forget me. So why do I still bother? Can't help it. LOL. Suckish. He hates me. I love him? He's not bad. I don't believe it. I just don't get it why he's acting like that. I know that he MUST've a reason. How stupid huh? I so wanna die. I feel so so upset. I don't know why. Kill me someone! I swear... I really don't believe.. WHY?..=.= I give myself a 20% today.

Today's the last day of school now. I have to work hard. Last term. But I couldn't concentrate much. I'm so SO stupid.. It's like.. yeah.. swt..I'm trying my best to forget. But yet I couldn't. I really need to focus. But everything reminds me of.. him. How painful. Its a stab in the heart.

So today I reached school. Gloomy.. I cried during duty. So I cried. (Thanks Dana, for the tissues.) In class.. I cried. And when teacher came in.. She asked. And during Science.. teacher asked me too. Aiks.. I act fine. But everyone could tell i was not. I didn't talk much to school. Just to my pals. And cried. So much. Tears just kept coming down. Dying ain't the best choice, YES I know. But atleast, you won't feel a thing now.. I didn't talk to him the whole day. I'm trying not to.. *sigh* Didn't smile much. At all.. I wanna talk to someone. But he's probably too busy for my little bussiness. Love is so blind.

I kinda changed. I guess.? Ask everyone. I don't know? *sigh* I'm dying. My phone's much silent. So am I. Doesn't matter la.. I really am sad. Cutting myself isn't a good choice.. hmm.. How about..? Gawd.. can't find a way. So stupid.

I'm so silent. My blog's so lame. So am I.

Love, Jane.

Sorry..

Day 1 dying.

I'm sorry.. It's all my fault. I spent my night crying to bed. I didn't smile much. Spending my times sulking. I couldn't do anything without thinking about him. The songs that came out on the radio are all emo. All about breaking up. That makes me feel even more to cry. I can't.. Get him out of my mind. He was my everything. I still care for him but things aren't going back the same for him. I can't stop crying.! I can't stop thinking about him. I couldn't stop listening to songs that's about breaking up.. I really don't know what do to.. I really don't wanna be like this. It's torturing me. I really can't stop crying... Hope that I won't cry when I see my friends.. better worst seeing him.

I'm really sick. I'm feeling cold but sweating. Haih.. I can't describe ho torturing it is. now. I kept reading his messages. I couldn't bare to stop crying. Is it my problem? Am I being too tight? Yeah I guess so. Crying silently.. Is it a choice? Why is life so unfair? Like what a friend said.. Get up and stay strong.. Saying is easy.. Doing is hard.. I can't do it at all. He IS diffrent now.. I don't want it. IT'S ALL MY FAULT. Yeah it is.. I'm sorry for doing that. I get mad at you for no reason.. It's bad huh..? If i could wish for anything? I'd wish to go back.. I'd never thought that the day would come this fast.. I don't blame him for hating me now. But I really hope that he won't be like that..

Is Dana right? I feel for him but he doesn't..? He's not worth it..? I kept denying it.. But the fact is.. How long can i deny it? The pain is really killing me.. It's torture and painful. I can't stop crying.. I'm lucky to have friends by my side.. But I still feel really empty. I coudn't stop thinking about the times we spent together. It hurts.. So deeply. But I guess it doesn't matter to him anymore.

Special thanks to Dana, YN, DS(:

Blog more if i feel like it.. Sorry.

Monster.

Doesn't matter how much you spent on a person. Or how you feel about that person. It just ends up.. DIPSHIT. I had a terrible day. Had a cold. Got pissed. My brain felt numb suddenly. I think I'm going to die. Hate him. Hate you. =.= I feel hurt. I don't know why. Maybe I do but, maybe it's just a small thing? Why am I making it such a big deal? WHY? I'd tell you. It hurts.? I feel like avoiding him. But, just can't.

Monster.. Is it me? Or is it.. you? Who gives a shit? No one. I skipped guitar. Thnx Bob. Lesser burden more happiness. Mooncake festival.. huh? I used to have lotsof fun at great-grandma's house. Candles, lanterns, mooncakes, fruits.. But now? I'm just sitting there alone. Maybe just had alittle fun. But now? Nothing.. I sit there anxiously waiting for him to text me.. But he's busy partying. He's gotten high and me? Emotionally upset. Everything changed. I don't know why.. And I really don't like it. Theres a big wall between us now.

Gimme a break.. Oh well, anyways, I got my K.H homework/project done. Everyone at great-grandma's were like.. OMG, CHENG-AH.. You sew de arh? WAAAAH!!! SO LEK LUI(clever)!! Becareful arh?? swt!!! I was like.. hehehe.. yeaaaah.. (LMA) =.= Then dad scared me. =.= Sucks. DIPSHIT. I bet I'd fail this dipshit work. This is a natural thing.

I dun feel like talking to anyone. Haih.. Dana, Jacelynn.. Help me. Call me asap when you see me online... =.= DIIIIIPPPSHIIIT. xP

Love, Janey.=(

Motivations! xD

Good news people! I've started blogging again. Bad news is, I forgotten how to put all my followers, cbox and crap in it again. Oh well, like what people say, one step at a time. I wanna thank my dear, DANA for motivating me to blog again. xD I O U. xD So, you guys must be curious wha happened to me? I died. And came back. Haha... not a good joke huh? I bet that later on, I'd be bored again. And stop blogging for awhile. Camwhore! Haha, joking.

So, school is getting lamer- and lamer. Have no idea how'd survive my next 4 years. Haha.. Think I'd fight up to 2A next year? Not a chance. I'm too stupid to. Muahaha... I need Yumey to help me on my blog again. I need back my beautiful followers xD I feel dem bad when i had to delete my old blog. I was inlove with it! Sorry, must be thinking, you're dem wierd! Yes.. Yes i am. Gimme a break pepo! Smile. Haha..

Yuet Nam's gonner kill me. Haha.. xD no offence. Wanna know something funny?? A week ago, I was spring cleaning my room. I trash alot.. (i meant ALOOOOT) I didn't notice my prefects' tie, name tag and badge weren't there. I thought It was in the mess after i clean up. And after i cleaned. And the day when we had to return to school, i noticed i lost those 3. Impossible. 3 things at once? C'mon. I was running late. So I had to go to school empty. I cried. Yes. Lame lame. Ofcourse, Justine had to denda me. (But I haven't pay) OK? Lols! I suffered. xD So, after school, dad helped me find those things, but can't find them. So he called the person who made them!!! Haha.. I bought a tie, a badge and ordered name tag. I waited and waited. I had to wear some lame tag which i had to write my name on for days!!! LOLS! Ok, so today's Friday rights? I Just got my new name tag. And later i went to MV. I took the bag that i brought to Vee's house the pass week and was shaking my legs(for reasons) and something fell.

IT WAS MY LONG LOST BADGE!!!!! I WAS LIKE.. HURRRRAAAY!! WOOT WOOT *The winning dance* xD and dug my bag, found my tie and then my name tag! I showed dad. Ofcuz, he was pissed. Then he was like, aha, i surely know that you'd find it. Now you got 2 sets. xD good la. You owe me 12 bucks. xD I texted Dana right aways! Haha.. Silly, messy, clumsy me! xD The potato. Muahaha.

Dem.. feel dem hyper now! READ READ READ! Link me too. Please leave a comment. (: Loves.