Perfect prom.

So, I'm basically at Zuee's house and well, I don't know why I'm talking to him. I hate him too much to still love him but I still do. Why am I effing stupid when he don't even like me anymore? But deep down, I still feel the way i felt before. I'm just trying not to make things worst and what else could I do? Besides talking fine-ly to him there's nothing I could do any anymore. Crying silently to bed is like a nightly routine. It's pain. Eye-sore. Waking up with swallen eyes, not a good idea.

So, Zuee and I went shopping today and baked Christmas cookies. Ended up looking like enedible Christmas crap. Haha with ugly icing on it. I iced my name 4 cupcakes. Each letter on each cupcake. Sweating like crap. And after that we went biking when I was like walking/jogging and then I decided to go on the bike where I sucked and technically I don't know how to bike and I fell down. My leg didn't really bleed but a little drop of blood oozed and well i scraped 3 parts of my leg. Well, it hurts. I fell on like, water meter stone? OUCH! I limped back to her house. OUCH again.

I talked to him like a normal friend. its hard. He has no idea that I'm still madly inlove with him but do you know how it feels when you find out that the person that you love, DOES NOT LOVE YOU? You have no idea. That's why I told him not to read my blog. I don't want him to know that, I'm faking infront of him(which is WHAT i'm doing.). I don't want to act fine infront of him but him knowing that I'm still not okey. I don't want that. Why should I lie when he knows the truth? I don't want.. anything to happen anymore. I told him that I'd forget but deep down, I don't know how. I'm like, frigging lost.

I felt like crying while talking to him. He could be fine. I couldn't. I don't want him to see my blog anymore. Knowing all my dirty little secrets. And acting so fine when I see him.? It's a waste of time. See..? I even feel like crying while blogging this crap. Why is life so unfair? Yeah.. Sometimes, I really wished that, I could go back in time. But, that could never happen. No matter how much I love him, he wouldn't love me back or want him to get back together with me. It will never happen.. Well, I don't know but I think he won't. This is friggin sad and depressing. Not a very nice thing going on between us. Don't you feel like dying sometimes? Cuz, right now.? I do. It's very hurting. Very depressing. Love is very unfair and complicating. You love a person but the person would ever love you back.

I shall continue this and blog about what happenned today when I get home.. Cherios..=.=