Grub killed for you bitches.

Listen up you dem lame bitches! My Halloween is ruin because of you bitches. I don't even know what to put for my tittle. Am so damn pissed. Though I had fun a little with Zuee and Meli. Not with those 2 bitches aside. Talking back about people. We watched ghost movies.. I'm so jealous.. Rick's still at AAR concert.

I'm pretty tired. I felt mad and pissed off. Now feeling better. Waiting for people's reply just.. gets me on my nerves. I'm impatient. More impatient now. I've changed so much. I don't want la.. I don't know what I'm doing sometimes. I don't wanna be like this. I think of him. I'd be upset again.

I feel so noobish. Can't I just make up my mind and forget about he past already?

Forget.

Forget?

Forget!

DO IT!

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!~

Can't.

Just can't do it.

Really can't.

How it hurts. So badly.

I want a hug. I need one. I want a tight sweet hug.

Thats it for tonight.. =.= No mood to blog

Happy Halloween

HAPPY HALLOWEENIE!!

I kinda hate you. Yet love you.

I was speechless.. But I started the convo with him. Just to wish him Happy Halloween. I had wierd feelings. I wanna talk to him yet I don't! He talked to me like nothing. But I... I don't know. I really hate him.. SO DEEPLY. But still love him and couldn't forget him. It's so hard for me. I just don't know what to say to him.. I couldn't study. Our convo was wierd and silent. Dead. He actually knew about me doing a performance? I asked him who told him but he refused to tell me. Jerk..=.=. I told him Fine La.. Whatever la. Then he asked if I was angry. I said no.

My stomach ached. Girl suffers. I couldn't eat much. I feel cold. And look at what I'm wearin? Short skirt and a T-shirt with Crocs high heels. Purple crocs(: I adore purple. It's so calm but still has it's bad side. xD I bought so many crocs. Haha.. I have 2 pairs. The heels is actually my mums'. Share(: Hehe! I love Crocs!(:

I am actually studying Geography but I couldn't get it in my mind so I decided to blog. Sorry though.. I mean to mummy. Hehe.. I feel so random. I feel emo now. ): Unhappy la.. I don't know how to get him out of my mind. Depressions la.. So painful.

Well.. try to study la.. Byes.

Tooba

Liar, liar pants of fire. Heard of it? Haha.. Yeapp.. Anyway, today's practise was.. uhm. Not bad for the first time but.. sucks. Haha.. I sang like.. a.. GRAWR. Just really bad. So, anyway my finals are coming up. Have to work extra hard for B.M. It only counts for streaming. OMG what am I saying? I meant.. It's the most important subject. I don't really think so though. I feel so lame. If I fail B.M straight to 2K next year. Losers.

So I didn't blog for a week. My mum was busy nagging me about my studies. Piano.. And well.. houseworks and stuff. She thinks 'internet' is destroying our minds. ROLF. Killed the pain with a shot gun. I have no idea what I'm saying? Hehe.. The Cartoon UP is soooo CUTE.! Hehe.. I love balloons! Not clowns! Hehe..

So, I had a hard time. Well but my friends are there to cheer me up so, it's alright. My week had past fast. During PJ we played, have fun, laughed. We joked and I do stupid things. Haha. I ran all the way across the field alone. But the footballs came and the guys came running towards me nearly got hit! I ran back to the shed. XD Where everyone was at. Got critisized.. AGAIN! Haha.. I enjoyed my 'Stupid' moment.! Hehe..

I love the colourful balloons! I LOOOVE IT! It's so touching... When it all comes back to me..=.= Doesn't matter.. I so adore the kid.(: Russel is so CUTE! Hehe.. I couldn't believe it. Grawr. Whatever.

I'm so dead bored. Life sucks xD Haha.. Manggo puddings la..=.= Felt top of the world. The dogs and the bitches. Haha never mind though. Nights. Needa pee

Smudge face.

I have like 2 painful ulsers. Pain. And coughing my lungs out. The whole morning was dreadfully boring. I looked at my Science homework.. Did afew questions then had no idea how to do. Closed my book began facebook-ing. Ouch. Didn't drank water. Ulser's really hurting me. Haha.. Chewed some bubble-gum but i spat it out. Gross and painful. Haha.. So so so bored. Kill me would cha? YN and Melissa at RedBox. Haha.. Nice lu.

I really like the song Heaven Knows. It's very sweet and touching. Hehe.. Crazy me. The whole morning was noisy with my sister around bugging me. But well, she's gone now. With Uncle Patrick. Hehe. Demit thought. I was so boring.

I kept thinking about him. I'm really stupid. But this feeling is so uncontrolable. It's painful. =.= How could he let it go? How? I want to let it go too.! He's fine. I'm not. It's so unfair. Till now stil I couldn't let go? WHY? I really hate myself. I don't know what to say about myself. Thats all..?

I feel so tired. I changed. Alot. Well.. thats all la.. Cherios.

Ai yaya.

Look at me! I feel so dead.! Felt like killin myself sometimes but I think I really can't do that. Haha.. Not worthy. I'm so dark dy. But it's worth it since Pandu Puteri got no. 1~!! Me, Synn-Synn, Sze Yuen & Gracey jumped up and screamed and shouted like mad when we heard. We had pizza and junk food. Happy! Yeaap.... but not now. I feel so noobish!

I'm thinking back of everything we had gone through and... just.. Everything. I feel so stupid. But what can I do? I don't know why too. Just.. painful. I know I'm stupid. I just, can't forget him. It's hard. I feel so bad. I want to forget. I try to be happy. I try to smile.. but my smile just isn't really from me. From the inside. I know you guys must be mad or something but I just can't control. I'm retarded. Stupid. Whatever.

I'm watching this ghost movie. It's kinda touching. Abit scary but it's nice. I really don't get it.. Hmm.. Love/ghost movie. Craps la.. FB can't upload pictures..=.=

Dad bought Crocs. I got the disney ones. xD Wanna buy Jibits! Mum thinks they kinda look ugly. Haha.. No way.. But I wanted to buy the heels too. They're purple. Teehee.!

Finding a nice topic to blog about. Kill me xD Please spam at my cbox. Delighted to see spammers.

Dead crap.

I feel so so noobish. I couldn't believe how I'm feeling now. Well, tomorrow's competition & I'm so black. Stupid Yuet Nam was teasing me.. Nigga.. Nigga!? =.= I feel so emooo! Bleak. My whole life's falling apart. I am still thinking. STILL THINKING!!!? Gawd.. I really don't know what to do. I really want someone to help me. Yeaah, but everyone'd be like.. No one could help you!! Swt..

I hadn't study and I just can't? I couldn't study.. with all the kawad competitions and the mess I'm in.. (or still in?) Well, I have to focus. I can't be like that! JANE!! YOU CAN DO IT! I couldn't believe it. LOL. Lately, I'm like.. quiet at home. I don't really talk much. I'm too carried away with the radio in the car. I don't bother much of what people're talking.

Deal with it. I'm so black.=.= Under the sun today like from 7.30 morning till 3! Like.. SUN SUN SUN!!! I felt like dying. Faint.=.= I couldn't even do the 'formasi' and well.. my leg muscles hurt. Pulling.! My heels were hurting. Everything was messy. Felt like dying. Haha.. I got headache. Ginnie cried. Headache.

I wanna join back dancing! Hehe.. Anything! But just, dancing. I'm not really a dancer but haha. shh xD retarded. Thankies to Synn-Synn.. Made me wanna dance again xD Lala.. Smiles.. Well.. try la.. Have to study hard. work hard. Practise hard.

Well, I'm so lame and boring, wouldn't wanna waste your time. Haha.. Nights. Janey(:

I wanna...

I really like the song I wanna. xD It speaks my mind. Demit you people don't think dirty! Haha.. I thought back of all the old stuff. Maybe I just couldn't let it go just like that. You can but I can't. Lols.. Whatever. Who would care? No one. I guess..? You must be thinking, Jeez, Jane! Let it go already! How hard could it be? YES! Very hard! You're not me you wouldn't understand. Gawd.. Why am I argueing with my blog? Lols.. I need my therapist. xD OMG.. is that how you spell it? Anyways, just now Rick and I were like saying what would we be when we grow up. I said a phycologist(Spelling?) and he said. Naaah, he'd be one 'cuz I'm the one who needs therapy. Haha.. Wierd..?

Gratis, I learned a new thing. Facing the facts' really hard. I'm so bored. Everything's so different to me now. Lols.. I have to face it. But it's hard. No school tomorrow. I'd be bored. I don't want Violin. Looking at her face's burning my brain cells. Increasing the power of my eye-sight. Okay, maybe I'm a little bit too carried away with how the way I'm feeling now. If you can't cha-cha.. Latin xD If you can't Latin, Breakdance. If you can't do that either. Just don't dance.(: Eat that.

Bored.

Bored.

Boo!

It's remarkable if you could bear the ugly-ness. I feel tired. My hair sucks. But just couldn't sleep. Somethings bothering me. Haha.. have no idea what is it. Lols. I'm such a wierdo. My mood-swings could kill. It's like a country who's having weather problems. xD Raining suddenly then sun-shine. Stupid me. Haha..

Eat..

Eat me..

Eat me all..

JOKING.

Muahahaha..

I couldn't stop listening to I wanna. I love it! TYSON ROCKS.! Thought he looked like he had some ganja-addict problem. Haha.. Too skinny? And always topless? Haha.. Joking.. Well.. Cherio people. Enjoy.

Happy Birthday!

God blessed me with 2 best friends! Turning 13 tomorrow (: Low Vee Vien! My tomboy-ish, korean-lover! Love you loads! Hehe.. please stop saying so much of korean stuff to me and Synn-Synn xD Hehe.. Gaaah, doesn't matter. Thanks for being there for me. We stood up to Tasha and fought her till she's gone! xD Joking la.. Anyway, have a very very happy sweet 13! Will be here for you always too!

To Grace. Thanks for everything. Happy birthday! Haha.. Get a bf la!! And please.. I have no idea what you're saying sometimes. xD Give you a present k? Vee Vee too(:

I feel bad. As in.. really bad. I ate curry for breakfast and now my stomach hurts so badly. =.= Gawd.. I feel cold. Haha.. Choosing a picture to put is hard. I'm not a good camwhore. Haha. I suck at taking pictures. Lame and retarded. Camwhoring is a talent. xD Ann got it. Haha. I look frigging ugly in pictures. RAWR.

I'm so bored. Can someone save me? Captain underpants.. Booring. Wanna wannna wanna.. Go MPH (: Haha.. I wanna buy books. And maybe get an anklet with bells. Hehe.. Wearing the shirt I bought from Nichi and short skirts. Sneakers and white socks. Like I said.. Growing to like my hair. Haha.. But having trouble straightening it. Hehe.. I like my fringe but I look like a guy when my hair is tied up. I tried that day. wierd? Gaaah! What am I saying? Haha..

I feel hyper today. Lols.. I so wanna eat lollipop. Someone treat me a lollipop! Gaaah.. Shoot. My stomach hurts.! Blog later pepo. Pain is here!

Gives you hell!

Donkey! I'm jumping up and down with Libby and Jay-Jay just now. Dinner was yummy! I'm so full! Hehe.. Had loads of fun. Mum noticed I was quiet.. Yak yak yak.. Rick's at some people's open house. Lame.. So boring. Can someone talk to me already? Hehe.. I'm getting to like my hair now. (:

Marsha's on Playhouse disney == C'mon! Grow! xD Playing Handy Manny games. Will you kill me already? xD It's so colourful! Watching VMA '09. Waiting for dad and mum to finish shower then go mamak with Uncle Patrick! YUMCHA & ROTICANAI! Hehe.. Hope I won't get fat. What the hell is Pink doing? Swinging on a.. Trapeze? Haha.. lame.

I couldn't get my pictures uploaded on FB or blogspot. Bullshit.. Whoops. Badwords. Haha.. I really hate Kanye West. I felt like punching him. Poor Taylor. Such disgrace that he interupted her like that. Leaving poor Taylor speechless and stunned up there. I couldn't stop sneezing. Must've got it from my sister. Wuahaha.

I kinda thought back about what happened between us. I didn't talk ever since just now. Looked gloomy for awhile. And well.. I don't know why. So stupid. Trying not to.. *sighs* I feel dem bad. People trying to cheer me up and I'm tearing myself down! I'm sorry. Lols.. (: My phone's so silent. No one's looking for me. Haha.. Wanna break it apart sometimes. Angers and mood swings.

Slap me if you want (: Wiling to do it. I wanna yum cha la.. Air limau and maggi (: Curry soup! Ice-cream. Haha it's so late dy. Still eat so much. Poor MJ. Miss him. I so wanna see his 'This Is It' vid. R.I.P. Love your music and will always appreciate it. Poor MJ got so much depression in his life. (: No more pain for you now.

God, I have no idea what I'm saying. Well, YUMCHA! Cherios! Janey

Addicted to candy.

Have you ever watched some horror movie which is lame? I know! I have! So, I was so bored. I was clicking my remote like to every channel.. From 101 to the last. Randomly clicking, And so I actually switched to this chinese movie channel and there was a ghost movie going on. So I laid on the couch dead bored. Watched it. Lame. Yawn yawn. Not scary at all! What were they doing? So lame.I was like =.= Then changed it. Then changed it back. Haha! It was so boring. Shit.. I have no idea what I'm blogging.

So, Uncle Patrick's almost home by now. Mum & dad leaving me ad Rick home. No one's here to bug me finally. For 1 min. (: Smiles. Haha.. I'm the worst. =.= I'm hoping that it won't rain. It's gloomy. Haha.. I'm alone in the living room and Rick's in his room. I'm over-bored. Astro won't work since it's gonner rain. I had 2 lollipops at once. Sugar-rush!

Since this morning I woke up, the power was out. I was grumpy. I was like.. SHIT!? It's bloody hot! Who off the air-cond?! And my blanket was still on me. I rolled and tried to sleep but couldn't. Mum suddenly came in and was like.. WAKE UP! Rick's gonner be late for tuition! The power's out! I was like.. SWT? GRR! Kill it. So I went to the toilet. Horrified! My hair was ugly. =.= So ugly! I cut the side abit on my own.! SHH! Don't tell my mum. It was ugly! And now, uglier.! GRR! I straightened it and put some hair-juice on it. (Hair-juice = Serum! My lingo.)Muahaha.. It was okey.

I switched on my phone and 2 messages popped up. I texted back. Reply hasn't come for like an hour? Whatever. So, I did my things and a message came. OOHH. Replied. Chatted. Bye-bye. Haha.. Wierd. I had fish-head noodles for breakfast. More like breakfast-lunch. Was too full for yum-cha dy. Then mum, Marsha and I went to Metro. Looked at bags. (: I likey. But it was so expensive. Haha.. tried on shoes. Looked nice but I don't wanna buy them. I wanna save money. Haha.. anyways, went to guardian next. Mum wanted to get some.. er..? I don't know haha? Whatever I went to search for whitening cream. YAY! Got it. Though it's not Garnier. Haha..

Mum even got me and Marsha Bday bears. (: So cute! My Bday Bear's purple! I'm dead bored. People! Save me! Well, tryta blog at night kaes? Haha.. Needa nap. =.=

Janey.

Bittersweet (:

I took a deep breath and look at everything around me. Too much to see. Haha.. OMG I have no idea what I'm saying. Lols. Anyway, I'm feeling better though. Thanks to 2 wierdos. Yuet Nam and WJ. (: Made me laugh and smile. I had 2 lollipops and once. Sugar-rush. Hyper and turning upside down. Wore heels that killed my feet. HAHA. Too bad I have no idea what I'm saying now. Well, not just those 2 wierdos. All my friends and I'm LOVING YOU GUYS! Thanks so much sweeties! Haha.. You guys deserve a hug! Dem lame.

So, Meli and I went McD after her lessons. We ordered the Contour Coke set thingy, PURPLES OUT! HELL!! I SO LOVE PURPLE (: Haha.. I'm so wierd. We got the ice-cream. We bought lollipops (: So we walked back. Lame. Chat chat. Laugh. Emo abit. RANDOM.? Haha.. so we reached back and I ripped the wrapper off and well threw it in my mouth. Haha.. And Meli realised, they didn't gave her a spoon for her ice-cream. We walked back. Demit. We kinda dip our lollipops into the ice-cream. It was melting. But it was tasty (: Yum! It's not gross but very nice!

LOLS so, we got back and she had to go for vocal. How about me? So I walked out to the merry-go-round. Sat there.. chatted. Then WJ came. He was asking me if I ate. I told him I did. And he didn't believe me. I kept saying I DID!! I'm fat now! Haha.. so he stayed at my shop and kept me company. He was doing stupiud things to make me laugh. Stupid but thanks. Long story blaaah...

Uncle Patrick's coming home tomorrow!! Hehe.. ages since I saw him. I miss little mischivious(omg, is that how you spell it?) Libby! I bet Jay & Libby're so gonner fight. Not to forget Aunt Yuki (: Gonner get a crispy 50! Haha.. wierdo. SWT. I have no idea what i'm trying to say.

Well, peoples and hunnies. Loves.. Janey(:

Small sized but a buffalo

Gawd.. I dreamt of some wierd things. Don't mistake it for some frigging dirty thought people. It was really wierd but, it was about.. WUAHAHA! NOTHING! Joking -laah. Hahas, Anyway, I got my hair cutted(got such word?). My sister too. Its so wierd now that she got a fringe. Wierd bob. xD My fringe is also shorter now. Dad's like screamind at us when he got home. SWT!

BTW, my feet're like hurting. I'm wearing heels. I'm not meant for heels!! Heck, you must be thinking, Jeez, who asked you to wear 'em? LOLS! But well, I just wanna try. (: Wierd. Don't laugh at me. And hell I so don't like the shirt I'm wearing now. xD So, after I cutted my hair. I went to Nichi. I *heart* the clothes there. But they're like, big. And expensive for me. Mum's like -.- Haha but, I got a nice shirt.

It's Friday. And it's boring.. I have nothing to do.. BUT blogging and going online. FB's getting boring... No one's online. Wanna go MPH but, no one's going with me.. Have to wait for dear, Meli to come with me.

Spider piggy! I haven't had a lollipop for so long (: BUY BUY BUY xD The big one. Anyways, I have no idea what to blog. Sooo annoying! xD

Well, blog tonight. Cheerios

To be, or Not To be.

I'm picking up myself from the hole again. I'm trying my best to be even cheerful now. Results? I'm really different from before. The old me. Kinda wierd. I admit. Less cheerful, less smiles now. But better than no smiles? You have no idea how much trouble I've got into lately. I told my mum, my friends I'd forget him. But deep down.. I don't think I could? LOLS! I'm so retarded. I admit. I soooo don't getit. Why do I still like him. Wierd. I won't show it though. I'm more quiet now, I must say. Really am. More of a sulk-er. So, dad hasn't really talked much to me since. Arrh, forget it.

The Kawad competition is on Thurday. OMG I'm like, frigging tanned! I stood under the sun for like... from 11 something to 3.30!! Ofcourse there were breaks. But still! I even putted sunblock and some whitening cream! But I got DARKER! Useless 0.0 Wuahaha. But I kinda like the formation. We have like..3? An arrow, A diamond shape and A moving star. I'm still retarded by counting. I'm a mess! Got like.. scolding from Melissa. But nah, she's funny.

A bee went chasing us. Screamed. Like girls... 0.0 What am I talking about? We ARE girls.! I'm like, running and screaming. We had some deli curry noodles. Mihun. The kakak was like.. Oiks mari dek, mari dek! Satu ringgit saje! Cepat cepat beli la moi! I was like.. SYNNN!!! MIIIIIII!!!! Wuahaha.. Anyway, it was torture. I stained my pants. Noodle soup. Bloody gross. I was slurping. It was flying. Entertaining.

I felt so uncivilised. Wuahaha, we were loud. Noisy. Messy and funny. Me, Vee and Synn. We drank angur and ate ice cream.. Ate candy. High! Need a hair cut! Anyway, I heard some freaking rumours that some form 4 guy like me. And he's in a really bad class. Which no one teaches. They sleep all the time and well.. one word. 7 letters. RUBBISH(by Yuet Nam). Yuck!

Could only be friends.. Thats all. (: I'm scared. Really scared. You have no idea. Like.. a person who has heart attack of a camel.=.= x.x Lastly, stop bitching about Hello Kitty !! Thank you! xD

Loves, Janey.

Living up the limitations

Guess what? I promised a friend I have to live happy. And smile. Can't cry or emo. I am trying to.. my dad gave me a 30 minute lecture. Demmit? I wanted to die. The whole day, dad was like.. yapping in my ears. Gimme a break already.! He ain't that bad. I really don't believe. I don't care how bad my brother dishes about him. Convincing me that he's not worth it. I wanted to die. I don't believe it. I really don't care. But.. I don't know. I have to try to forget now. I'm so bored. Tired.. It's painful. I can't believe it. I lied to him. I said I was fine. I'm okey. But no.. I just don't know what's happening in my life. I feel like a fool. =.= I so wanna die. I still feel pain in me. Can you believe I'm still this stupid. Its the worst of me.

Thats all for now. Janey

Act as if I was..

Day 6 Dying.

I chatted with him. It turned out he wanted to say 'HI' to me. But, he saw me looking so down, he was afraid that I'd punch him.=.= SWT. I don't know what to say last night. I was like.. uhm ok? Then we turned out to argue. Then this morning I texted him saying sorry. I don't want anymore troubles. I put smileys. I put 'haha' and stuff but I kinda don't really mean it. I want to.. but I just don't know. I don't wanna make until we couldn't be friends. I'm so lame. I fought with him. I didn't like it. Its painful enough for me to be like that. So I kinda acted. If he finds out. He'd really hate me. Gonner kill me. He'll hate me. I promised him I'd forget. And stop crying. Haih.. Lollipops.. bleak. Life's hard. Living it is harder. I have to stop. But don't know how. RAWR..=.= I give myself a 25%

Omg.. Guitar was awesome today. I was happy the other half of the class. I WAS HAPPY! WAS!!!! Stupid..=.= I wanna die. Something's wrong with me today.. Not just today. Lately.. =.= well, I just don't know .. RAWR. I'm speechless. My parents scolded me. Basically, mum knows. But dad doesn't.. They gave me some scolding. And this morning I woke up.. =.=<----- Like that. I lied on my bed. Thinking so many things. =.=

I thought back about the past. I cried. Tears were rolling down my cheeks. Crazy liao. OMG rights? I promised that I won't. GAWD.. I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY! Just devasted..

I'd blog when I'm free. Maybe at night too. K? Janey.

Unbelievable Facts.

Day 5 Dying.

Can you believe it? I still cried for him? He don't even bother about me! I saw him today.. but guess what people? He pretended that he didn't see me at all.. Wow.. Jerk. I still like a jerk? OMG? I still cried for him? I'm so bloody shit stupid?! I don't know what am I going to do? I see him.. he ignores. Pretend I'm dead. I'm hopeless. So today, my brother had band. A friend arrived early. He knew about it. So, judging by my friggin stupid face. He could tell I was still bloody emo. My mum called me and asked me if i wanted anything to eat. I told her I wasn't hungry. Then she was like.. you sure? What happened to you?!Blaah Blaah.. Then he heard I didn't eat. Yeaap. =.= He dug out some Kit Kat and gave one bar to me. I told him I wasn't hungry. I only had a piece of break for breakfast! =.= It was like..9? And it was 2 then. I rejected the piece of Kit Kat still but he insisted. He was like. You hadn't ate anything since that early! Eat it! I just took it.. SWT! Mum bought me bread. SWT. I tried not to cry. I still thought of him. I got into trouble because of all these.

Mum was mad at me. Dad was too. I hid and cry but dad found out. But he didn't knew about all these. I got a hell of a scolding from my parents. Awesome.. Perfect. I cried more. Anymore cryings I'm gonner go blind. Yes.. I'd rather DIE. I didn't bother. My friends're there to support me.. but I'm letting them down.

Mosquitos are bitting my legs. Hope I'd get denggi. Bone pain. And have to get blood test. Needles poke in me. Atleast I'm not torturing myself as in suicide. Good idea. Haih..

Can you believe? He was so.. cold?! He pretended I wasn't there.=.= I wanted to go scream at him. But.. for what? He didn't bother.. means? 0 lo.. He doesn't like me also.? *sighs*

Went Kamdar with Melissa today. Felt some really nice fabrics. Thumbs up. But kinda expensive.. She wanted to treat me Baskin Robins' ice-cream but.. I wasn't in a mood for it. Her grandma was like.. Jane? You don't want? I was like.. uhmm no thanks? Yeesh.

I finish watching D.I.E in 3 days time. My mum finished it just yesterday. I was like.. swt? I'm watching 1 disc in 1 day. Sit until my back pain.=.= Kill me instead people!

Pain pain pain.. Stil got K.H work. Some drawings're still undone. I have to finish it now.. Cherio people.

Loves.. Janey. (still ):)

It isn't easy doing that.

Day 4 dying.

OMG! I cried for days. Nights too.. I couldn't help not to. It's so painful. He's so happy with his life now. I don't know what to do. All I wanna do is to forget and study.. But I just couldn't forget.. or study now. Shit. It's effecting my studies. I don't know who to talk to now. I feel so so lost. I couldn't really find a person to share my problems with now. A right person. I really.. don't know what's the meaning of life now. Yes I know, I'm very stupid. But crying day and night? How about that? He is so so happy.. And I'm the opposite. Why did he played me? If he didn't really liked me, then why did he tell me? Why did he lied to me? Why am I so stupid? WHY? He poached my heart. So painful. Does he feel the same still? Why am I still thinking? I'm crying now. Losing my senses. Everyone's asking me to forget. Even he is trying to forget me. So, why am I still thinking? Dipshit.. bullshit. If I could wish for anything? I'd wish for a turn. I wanna die. I so hate myself. I don't know what else I could do.? I don't know how to face him. I don't think he'd even bother to look at me when I see him. I think tears would bust out from my eyes. Or hide in the toilet.. I give myself a 10% today.

I feel like a dumbass. My friends are helping me.. Everyone's asking me to forget. HELL I KNOW! But it's not easy to forget! It's not i could do it! Everyone's telling me not to think about him. Bullshit.. Yes I know, I should. But, have you thought of how hard could it be? It's like.. making a cow to play a piano. The more I'm listening to 'Another Hearts Call', the more I'm crying. I remember the times we laugh.. My life's a disaster now. He's in a mess? I don't think so, he's more happy than me like.. 70% I could tell. It's like nothing to him.

I ate medicine. My sickness isn't gone. It's becoming worst. I did not smile. I didn't eat much. I'm losing weight. I'm starving myself. No one cares. Even if I died. Joking la. :( I'd never ask for anyone but you.. I don't know what to do. I really don't. My paths are dark. Cold. Grandma's asking me to eat but I told her I wasn't hungry. Mum's gonna kill me.

Hate myself. Like I said, someone stab me and run. Or I suddenly get brain damage.. OR tumour. OR a cancer. Bleak.. Or suddenly faint. And die the next. Fun. Wish me luck.. haih..

Loves, Janey. The sulking. :(

Are you still feeling the way you felt before?

I Couldn't get my mind out of it just. It's like pages of a love story tearing out by some evil person. Yes.. It is true.? I cried. Till now. I kept listening to 'Another Heart Calls' and I couldn't help but remember. I couldn't help but cry. Vee told me.. More crying I'm going to go blind. I'm thinking, letme be it then. But I don't wanna hurt them. I called a friend when I was hiding in the toilet crying so that my mum would not see me. I hid in a cubicle. But he was busy.. He convince me not to cry. Couldn't help it. So I just said bye. Then I called YN. He heard me sobbing and sobbing.. I couldn't even said hello. It was blury. I couldn't here him. Just my heart crying. It was so painful. I finally talked to him. But I had to stop. I couldn't hide in the toilet forever so i said bye. And I texted him. He replied 'Kesian you la.. You cried so badly.' I was like.. Yeeaaah..

I'm listening to the song now. I'm crying my heart out. You guys must be thinking 'Jeez! STOP CRYING, IT'S STUPID!' Yeah I know.. but could you not cry If you were me.. I wanna scream at him. Why is he such a jerk to me? The most important thing is.. Why do I still love a jerk? I don't wanna think of him as a jerk. I know he wanna study. But now he made me lost. And now.. I couldn't study. Hope he's having a good time. *chuckles* What am I kidding? He is?! He ain't bothering a shit about me. True enough. I'm so stupid. I'm asking all over about him. SWT!

'Kor.. Uhmm.. Can I...? Urgh.. NOTHING LA!' OMG right? I said that to my brother. I bet he knew how i felt. He kept scolding me. Yea.. I heard him talking to my mum about something.. Something like.. 'I didn't know she'd sulk till like that..-' or something. True. I act like i couldn't hear anything. Then he came in my room. Asking me, 'Hey, did you hear anything just now?' I was like.. No? Haih.. I'm so useless. Would someone stab me and run?

*end of blog for today*

As deep as I need you, You wanna leave it all~ Another Hearts Call.

Loves, Janey. (I guess, someone else were calling him... ):)

Wish I could Die.

Day 3 Dying.

RAWR! Kill me people. 2 days no talking to him is frigging torture. I feel so upset. WHY? I got a one way scolding by someone. I wanted to die. I don't know why. Why is life so unfair? Yeah.. Life is never fair. Would someone KILL ME ALREADY? I really miss him. I want to text him. But how? I dunno how. I dun wanna create more trouble. I bet he doesnt wanna talk to me. I don't know la. Someone help me? I miss him like crazy but I don't know how's he doing. It's torture.. Really don't want to be like this but theres a big hole in my heart. I dunno how i could express it out. I told a friend that i'm over it but it's not true. I just couldn't.. Get it out of me. He could act like theres nothing wrong with it. Nothing's up. Or wrong. He's SOO happy. How about me?? Has he not thought of me?? I guess.. not.. So painful.. Day 3 I give myself a 40%

Hell, have no idea what to do. Its so damn boring. Really.. I feel so down. I dun even feel like eating.. I din eat much. Not much.. Lost my appetite. Lost weight and lost my smile. I don't know what to blog much.. Watching D.I.E.. Funny but not really laughing much? Nope. Haih... I feel like a burden. Really..

I don't know what to do.. No one understands how I feel. You have no idea.. I know dying isn't a way. Just really, upset and down. And... uhm.. I dunno la.. It's just wierd. Feel so cold. Wierd.. Feel like.. I'm lost in my own world. Black and blur. All around me. No matter what i eat. Its all sour or bitter. Really. I ate chocolate and it was bitter. I drank a cup of Glucose(which my mum put so much) I still tasted it was sour. I didn't eat lollipop. Cuz it'll remind me of him.

Not now.. nah.. Naaah. Crazy. I dunno what to do now. Aiks.. My blog's bloody lame. No one even bother to read it now. My rainbow is colourless now. It used to have all 7 colours in it. Even the sky is even blue-er(If theres such word?) when he is with me. Right. But now the skies are grey, they grass are green-er too. Trying to not think about him.

Loves, Janey

Let go if you could but I couldn't.

Day 2 Dying.

Gawd! I cried the whole day at school. You have no idea.! I wanted to scream. But No way. Guys were teasing me.. My face was red. Really red. I cried whenever I think of him. And which is.. ALL THE TIME! Everyone's telling me I should forget him and move on.. How? Is he doing the same? Hmm.. I bet he'd do it really fast. It doesnt matter.. I guess? Why do I still feel for him? How stupid? I don't know..It hurting. But I can't just stop.. It's mental sickness.? Lols.. Stupid me. He don't care about me already. Why? Do I still bother? It hurts. Ditto.. I fell so deep for him now it's so hard to get out. He IS trying to forget me. So why do I still bother? Can't help it. LOL. Suckish. He hates me. I love him? He's not bad. I don't believe it. I just don't get it why he's acting like that. I know that he MUST've a reason. How stupid huh? I so wanna die. I feel so so upset. I don't know why. Kill me someone! I swear... I really don't believe.. WHY?..=.= I give myself a 20% today.

Today's the last day of school now. I have to work hard. Last term. But I couldn't concentrate much. I'm so SO stupid.. It's like.. yeah.. swt..I'm trying my best to forget. But yet I couldn't. I really need to focus. But everything reminds me of.. him. How painful. Its a stab in the heart.

So today I reached school. Gloomy.. I cried during duty. So I cried. (Thanks Dana, for the tissues.) In class.. I cried. And when teacher came in.. She asked. And during Science.. teacher asked me too. Aiks.. I act fine. But everyone could tell i was not. I didn't talk much to school. Just to my pals. And cried. So much. Tears just kept coming down. Dying ain't the best choice, YES I know. But atleast, you won't feel a thing now.. I didn't talk to him the whole day. I'm trying not to.. *sigh* Didn't smile much. At all.. I wanna talk to someone. But he's probably too busy for my little bussiness. Love is so blind.

I kinda changed. I guess.? Ask everyone. I don't know? *sigh* I'm dying. My phone's much silent. So am I. Doesn't matter la.. I really am sad. Cutting myself isn't a good choice.. hmm.. How about..? Gawd.. can't find a way. So stupid.

I'm so silent. My blog's so lame. So am I.

Love, Jane.

Sorry..

Day 1 dying.

I'm sorry.. It's all my fault. I spent my night crying to bed. I didn't smile much. Spending my times sulking. I couldn't do anything without thinking about him. The songs that came out on the radio are all emo. All about breaking up. That makes me feel even more to cry. I can't.. Get him out of my mind. He was my everything. I still care for him but things aren't going back the same for him. I can't stop crying.! I can't stop thinking about him. I couldn't stop listening to songs that's about breaking up.. I really don't know what do to.. I really don't wanna be like this. It's torturing me. I really can't stop crying... Hope that I won't cry when I see my friends.. better worst seeing him.

I'm really sick. I'm feeling cold but sweating. Haih.. I can't describe ho torturing it is. now. I kept reading his messages. I couldn't bare to stop crying. Is it my problem? Am I being too tight? Yeah I guess so. Crying silently.. Is it a choice? Why is life so unfair? Like what a friend said.. Get up and stay strong.. Saying is easy.. Doing is hard.. I can't do it at all. He IS diffrent now.. I don't want it. IT'S ALL MY FAULT. Yeah it is.. I'm sorry for doing that. I get mad at you for no reason.. It's bad huh..? If i could wish for anything? I'd wish to go back.. I'd never thought that the day would come this fast.. I don't blame him for hating me now. But I really hope that he won't be like that..

Is Dana right? I feel for him but he doesn't..? He's not worth it..? I kept denying it.. But the fact is.. How long can i deny it? The pain is really killing me.. It's torture and painful. I can't stop crying.. I'm lucky to have friends by my side.. But I still feel really empty. I coudn't stop thinking about the times we spent together. It hurts.. So deeply. But I guess it doesn't matter to him anymore.

Special thanks to Dana, YN, DS(:

Blog more if i feel like it.. Sorry.

Monster.

Doesn't matter how much you spent on a person. Or how you feel about that person. It just ends up.. DIPSHIT. I had a terrible day. Had a cold. Got pissed. My brain felt numb suddenly. I think I'm going to die. Hate him. Hate you. =.= I feel hurt. I don't know why. Maybe I do but, maybe it's just a small thing? Why am I making it such a big deal? WHY? I'd tell you. It hurts.? I feel like avoiding him. But, just can't.

Monster.. Is it me? Or is it.. you? Who gives a shit? No one. I skipped guitar. Thnx Bob. Lesser burden more happiness. Mooncake festival.. huh? I used to have lotsof fun at great-grandma's house. Candles, lanterns, mooncakes, fruits.. But now? I'm just sitting there alone. Maybe just had alittle fun. But now? Nothing.. I sit there anxiously waiting for him to text me.. But he's busy partying. He's gotten high and me? Emotionally upset. Everything changed. I don't know why.. And I really don't like it. Theres a big wall between us now.

Gimme a break.. Oh well, anyways, I got my K.H homework/project done. Everyone at great-grandma's were like.. OMG, CHENG-AH.. You sew de arh? WAAAAH!!! SO LEK LUI(clever)!! Becareful arh?? swt!!! I was like.. hehehe.. yeaaaah.. (LMA) =.= Then dad scared me. =.= Sucks. DIPSHIT. I bet I'd fail this dipshit work. This is a natural thing.

I dun feel like talking to anyone. Haih.. Dana, Jacelynn.. Help me. Call me asap when you see me online... =.= DIIIIIPPPSHIIIT. xP

Love, Janey.=(

Motivations! xD

Good news people! I've started blogging again. Bad news is, I forgotten how to put all my followers, cbox and crap in it again. Oh well, like what people say, one step at a time. I wanna thank my dear, DANA for motivating me to blog again. xD I O U. xD So, you guys must be curious wha happened to me? I died. And came back. Haha... not a good joke huh? I bet that later on, I'd be bored again. And stop blogging for awhile. Camwhore! Haha, joking.

So, school is getting lamer- and lamer. Have no idea how'd survive my next 4 years. Haha.. Think I'd fight up to 2A next year? Not a chance. I'm too stupid to. Muahaha... I need Yumey to help me on my blog again. I need back my beautiful followers xD I feel dem bad when i had to delete my old blog. I was inlove with it! Sorry, must be thinking, you're dem wierd! Yes.. Yes i am. Gimme a break pepo! Smile. Haha..

Yuet Nam's gonner kill me. Haha.. xD no offence. Wanna know something funny?? A week ago, I was spring cleaning my room. I trash alot.. (i meant ALOOOOT) I didn't notice my prefects' tie, name tag and badge weren't there. I thought It was in the mess after i clean up. And after i cleaned. And the day when we had to return to school, i noticed i lost those 3. Impossible. 3 things at once? C'mon. I was running late. So I had to go to school empty. I cried. Yes. Lame lame. Ofcourse, Justine had to denda me. (But I haven't pay) OK? Lols! I suffered. xD So, after school, dad helped me find those things, but can't find them. So he called the person who made them!!! Haha.. I bought a tie, a badge and ordered name tag. I waited and waited. I had to wear some lame tag which i had to write my name on for days!!! LOLS! Ok, so today's Friday rights? I Just got my new name tag. And later i went to MV. I took the bag that i brought to Vee's house the pass week and was shaking my legs(for reasons) and something fell.

IT WAS MY LONG LOST BADGE!!!!! I WAS LIKE.. HURRRRAAAY!! WOOT WOOT *The winning dance* xD and dug my bag, found my tie and then my name tag! I showed dad. Ofcuz, he was pissed. Then he was like, aha, i surely know that you'd find it. Now you got 2 sets. xD good la. You owe me 12 bucks. xD I texted Dana right aways! Haha.. Silly, messy, clumsy me! xD The potato. Muahaha.

Dem.. feel dem hyper now! READ READ READ! Link me too. Please leave a comment. (: Loves.