Darkside of the sun.

DUDE, guess what?

nothing.

AHA. lame right?

Wells, today in school we cooked in KH.

It was fun.

Sze and I made our spaghetti real good.

Yumm :)

Anyways, today my mood was pretty okay.

I felt down. Obviously?

But I tried not to show it.

I tried to be okay.

I tried to be me.

I made it like 50% today.

I had tummy ache.

I went crazy abit.

That only morphined my pain alittle.

Went home.

Gave dad, Sis and mom my pasta and they said it was good.

Thumbs up to that :)

And sze.

Life is so tiring.

I don't know why but yeah.

Don't worry la people!

I didn't cut myself.

I didn't hurt myself.

Someone asked me.

What's the point of hurting yourself?

I said nothing. Just for fun.

LOL.

I hate losing sometimes,

expecially to myself.

Vee texted me this morning.

What the hell right?

He's like in exams and he said it's boring.

AHA.

that weirdo :P

shit face.

Fighting again.

He's getting mad at me always.

I don't bother anymore la.

Why can't he fugging understands that I'M A GIRL.

WITH A WEAK HEART.

HE CAN BE OKAY but I MIGHT NOT BE YET.

GET REAL.

Sorry can't be applied on everything.

I just am too tired.

Don't know what to blog.

Say

think

cry

too tired for everything including living.

My little heart.

My pillow has a patch or stain from my tears last night. F*CK.

It's quite obvious. And my pillow case is NEW.

Anyways, I removed the keychain under my pillow and talked to vee till like 3 in the morning.

Bitch. Total bitch of me.

Anyways, I actually was okay until I slept.

And woke up next morning feeling like dirt.

So I text vee saying i feel really sucky.

He replied quite late, I had already left for school.

I reached school and I could feel this heavy feeling in my stomach and throat

but I tahan-ed it.

Untill Hui Lim and Carmen reached

My tears came pouring.

I tried to stop and I did.. just for afew seconds but I raced to Synn Yi and told her everything. We went to toilet and kinda skipped perhimpunan.

Amanda(a senior) came ronda-ing the block and she saw me and synn.

And Sze

She left us alone but told us to go down as soon as I'm okay.

I cried so much that I finished a packet of tissue at once.

I know I was supposed to stay strong and be okay

but obviously I have sads in me.

I was quite quiet the whole day.

I suddenly got high and went crazy.

I kept blurting stupid things out and got really crazy.

Then it was too much for me..

I squatted down and Sze, Carmen and Hui thought I was having some hungover moment but

Suddenly tears came pouring down.

I couldn't help myself but to let everything out

Since I could only be ME at school.

It was too much for me to handle.

It happened a little too many times.

After I stopped Synn asked us to go toilet with her.

Sze and I went with her and I couldn't help not crying.

I looked down from the block.. Cried more.

Brandon said something hurtful to me earlier.

So did Hui.

She said: I never got dumped before and that really hurt me. I got dumped 4 times..

I kept quiet till the final bell rang.

I was feeling more representable after that..

Though I still am upset.

When I told him I was fine last night, I really was.

But obviously it's hard.

IT'S A BREAKUP.

Anyways, planned to go KFC with Sze and Vee and soon a whole group told me they'd go too.

HAHA Vee's car might burst.

After that, I went to Seng Kee and ate.

Forced myself.

My stomach wasn't feeling well. I had gastric earlier.

I actually didn't wanna eat in school but Sze and Synn forced me and I did.

Shoved nasi lemak into my mouth.

Tasted like crap.

Reached home, checked my phone.

3 messages.

Vee.

Hui.

Vee.

Vee was asking if I was okay.

I told him that I cried and he said he thought I was okay last night.

Hui wanted me to help her get magazines.

Now I'm texting with Synn.

Oh I missed out something!

I was so bored and moody I dug out my ruler and started using the edges to scratch myself.

I know I promised everyone not to hurt myself.

But this isn't bleeding.

So I just played with my ruler and then Sze took a pin out and started cutting herself with it.

She helped me too, in my own will. Duh.

My arms are full of light scratch marks.

Don't bother.

Wells, Life really sucks.

I wanna get wasted so badly now with Ong Sze Yie.

And Yeoh Synn Yi.

And Ann Irvina Ravinther.

1,2,3,4.

I'm done.

Cheers.

I hate you. Bitch.

You think breaking up is the best answer.

Think again.

I did so much for you.

This is how you treat me?

You always say that I don't understand you.

I DID. I DO.

But do YOU understand me?!

Do you know how i feel now?

Do you know how bad i wanna cut myself now.

I wanna DIE.

I wish you would BURN in hell right now.

I wish that I never started with you.

Why must I suffer all these pain over and over?

Once twice thrice.

NOW AGAIN.

You promised me you won't hurt me. LIAR.

I am so lost right now.

I don't wanna eat.

I don't wanna do anything.

I just wanna cry and tell myself that things will be okay, it's just a bad dream.

But it's not.

You know what sucks the most?

You finally really trust this one person and the whole world fucking comes down on you.

I've always think ; Hmm, if I do this.. He won't like it.

I'd try to stop and think for you.

I'd think of YOU before I think of ME.

I know you might not believe it but it's the truth..

I give up..

I just feel so lost..

Teenage Dream :)

You think I'm pretty

Without any makeup on

You think I'm funny

When I tell the punchline wrong

I know you get me

So I let my walls come down, down

Before you met me

I was alright

but things were kinda heavy

You brought me to life

Now every February

You'll be my Valentine

Valentine

Let's go all the way tonight

No regrets,

just love

We can dance,

until we die

You and I,

will be young forever

You make me feel

Like I'm livin' a

Teenage dream

The way you turn me on

I can't sleep

Let's run away and

Don't ever look back,

Don't ever look back

My heart stops

When you look at me

Just one touch

Now baby I believe

This is real

So take a chance and

Don't ever look back,

Don't ever look back

We drove to Cali

And got drunk on the beach

Got a motel and

Built a fort out of sheets

I finally found you

My missing puzzle piece

I'm complete

Let's go all the way tonight

No regrets, just love

We can dance, until we die

You and I, will be young forever

You make me feel

Like I'm livin' a

Teenage dream

The way you turn me on

I can't sleep

Let's run away and

Don't ever look back,

Don't ever look back

My heart stops

When you look at me

Just one touch

Now baby I believe

This is real

So take a chance and

Don't ever look back,

Don't ever look back

I'mma get your heart racing

In my skin tights jeans

Be your teenage dream tonight

Let you put your hands on me

In my skin tight jeans

Be your teenage dream tonight

Yoooouuu

You make me feel

Like I'm livin' a

Teenage dream

The way you turn me on

I can't sleep

Let's run away and

Don't ever look back,

Don't ever look back

No

My heart stops

When you look at me

Just one touch

Now baby I believe

This is real

So take a chance and

Don't ever look back,

Don't ever look back

I'mma get your heart racing

In my skin tights jeans

Be your teenage dream tonight

Let you put your hands on me

In my skin tight jeans

Be your teenage dream tonight

(Tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight)

sorry isn't the word.

Remember all the times we had?

Good and bad?

You always tell me to hold on.?

And you'd always be there for me.

You're a really sweet guy.

And I'm really lucky to have you.

And I'm sorry about yesterday.

I just can't help being depressed.

I know it'll kill us.

Probably not now,

but sooner??

I love you.

And I really mean everything I said yesterday.

I MEAN THEM.

Anyways, I don't know what to say.

I'm sorry - seems to be such a word.

I should be happy.

I should be glad.

Why am I feeling like this?

RAWR.

I just wanna say I love you.

I mean it.

ILY

F*ck you all.

Argued with you.

Not a fun thing to do.

..

Just don't know what to say after reading your blog.

But I'm okay.

Don't worry.

So what if there's someone better.

I like YOU.

I love YOU.

You.

Do you understand?

Whatever la.. I'm born to get hurt anyways.

I don't mind.

Sorry.

Yes, you have always let me make decisions.

Yes, you never tie me up.

You made me feel like I'm controlling everything.

Like before.

When I was with Vee.

I was controlling.

I was a freak.

I was like what- obsessive.?

I was like mad.

I was a bitch.

It took me awhile to forget how it feels

and change.

And I did.

But now? Everything comes back.

Now, I'm feeling all of that.

Again and again.

Probably it's my fault.

I can't blame no shit on anyone.

Talking to you was really great but after reading your post.

Ouch.

Thanks.

You don't care about me talking to Vee.

No I am NOT defending him.

Don't drag him into this mess.

He didn't do anything.

Besides, listening and giving some crappy advice,

he's a NOBODY to me now.

Except a friend.

That's all.

You say you're used to be lonely.

I say I'm used to getting hurt.

It's the same thing.

Like seriously,

I don't care if I met a guy who's better than you.

It goes around, there's still have something special about YOU.

Do you want me to say : Jerome, I don't want to wait anymore? I met someone better so you can go on with your life.?

You always say I don't understand you.

What about YOU?

What about other people, too?

Did they ever understand me?

I'm always trying to give you the best of me.

Make you happy.

Feeling insecure isn't not trusting you.

It's a weird feeling thats all.

I wanna scream,too.

Louder.

I'm trying to stay strong.

No point, sometimes.

______________________________________

Tuition was bad.

I was moody in the car.

Synn asked me what happened?

I said nothing, I'm okay what.

Another lie.

She knows..

Hui knows too.

And something really bad happened at tuition.

bloody chicken little.

I don't wanna blog about it.

I'm just tired.

I'm getting really tired of life.

I just got scolded from dad..

He said I look down too much on myself.

I didn't bother looking at him.

I don't wanna listen to anything.

I have nothing to say liao.

speechless.

Let go.

Hey, Sorry for not blogging for days.

Dad forgotten to pay the internet.

Anyways, do you miss me?

I fugging miss you.

I really do.

Just read your blog..

Wells, aslong as you're okay then it's okay.

I've been having really bad flu and I went to the doc yesterday.

I'm having a bad cough and I had a slight fever.. I still went tuition anyways..

Took some pills and hung out with Dana, Hui & Ann.

They came over.

Dana told me that her brother waited for his gf for 3 years.

Hearing that makes me feel that we can do it.

I know we can.

I've been talking to Vee lately.

Alot.

But talking to him is quite useless.

Baby, don't worry okay?

He's a friend.

I mean, I kept telling him how much I miss you and everything

(PSH, i think he thinks that I'm annoying about that)

And he's like a robot to me.

Pfft, all he does is critique me.

Even though we talked about our old times,

my heart only beats for you now..

Forget about him la,

My insecure feelings has gotten worse.

But I learn to keep it to myself.

In school I may seem okay but everyday,

I'd turn to Hui and ask her :~

Do you think he'd wait?

She's answer Yes, with a smile.

But I still tend to think- ALOT.

Like mad.

Last night, i had a cramp.

Right leg..

It has been 6 months since I had one..

Remember?

I wanted to stand and cry but I was too tired..

I pressed everything back and tried to go to sleep.

But I couldn't sleep.

So I just stared at the keychain you made for me..

Till I drifted to wonderland.

I really hate living now.

I know I'm really negative but yeah.

I tear easily.

I know I'm useless.

I always have the fear of you giving up..

But you have other things to worry about first la..

So don't care about me first la..

Spm is coming..

You have better things to worry.

I feel like giving up..

Like really.

I mean, aren't there better girls out there?

What about next year?

You're going to college..

3 years is a long time.

There'll be girls who wants to date you and YOU would wanna date other people, too.

Would you really REALLY wait for me?

A girl who can't go out with you anymore now for like what? 3 years.?

I'm trying to be strong.

I'm trying not to show my feelings inside.

But how long can i hide?

This is where I can tell it all out..

What if he doesn't wait? I asked Dana that day.

He'll regret. Thats what she say..

I don't even know how I feel.

Seeing my friends with their love ones made me feel really empty.

Like why am I forbid to see you?

Why am I too young?

I have nothing to say to my family sometimes.

I rather hide in my room.

Thats how I got sick..

I'm sorry.

I love you.

The fond.

Hey guy(s).

Guess what?

Today's Monday.

Boring right??

Wells, everyday IS a boring day.. W/O dia.

Anyways, I was really quiet.

I didn't eat.

Like from morning up to evening.

Cool huh?

The problem is I don't feel hungry at all.

I know.

They kept forcing to me to eat.

When I say they , I mean my friends.

I just kept telling em I'm not hungry.

I know right?

Me and Hui Lim ended up talking about our dream proposal.

It was funny.

I told her it would be nice if a guy proposes to you in a crowd.

Crowd of friends, everybody.

Not just that, a surprise one.

How nice is that?

I have a silly dream but I ain't telling it out.

Boo. Oh wells..

half a year ago.. I was a boring girl.

Ain't I?

Now?

I'm just a boring girl again. Ha-ha.

I saw someone who cut herself like hell.

I thought HELL NO, I don't wanna be like her.

But it was because she lost her special someone.

I ain't gonna do that cuz I know that's stupid and I didn't lose.

I didn't lose you.

And hell, thinking of the pain.. Brr...

I know what Ann means by it's stupid to cut yourself.

I always wonder how it feels.

But I'm NOT gonna do it.

I miss you.

Wells, it's the sixth month..

We spent 5 months together and one month

NOT talking to each other.

It sucks...

Life is boring.

Everything changed.

Everything..

Remember the Vows?

I'm partially married to you.

LOL right?

Keep your promise, promise?

I know you will.

I trust you.

I know you do too.

When will we ever be together again?

Awwh.

I wanna show you off to the world.

Tell everyone how lucky i am to have you.

I LOVE YOU, JEROME.

Queue

Wells, I know I'm being really really negative at this point.

I know.

Thanks for the super long post.

I'm actually living for you too.

I got nothing.. nothing anymore.

Fall for you.

I really love this song.

And it's really sweet that you're doing this song for me.

I tend to think like you too sometimes.

When I get to be with you after three years?

I'd be showing off my bf too everyone.

-Hey, look~ He's my bf.

I know finding weak as an excuse won't help me.

I know I'm running away from reality.

But maybe I'm just a coward.

I faced all this kinda shit too many times.

I'm trying to wake up from this pain and get up but I don't think it's working.

Not being able to talk you is probably one of the most painful moments in my life.

But also, thanks for the Vows.

Forever Love Wedding Vow

I promise to give you the best of myself and to ask of you no more than you can give.
I promise to accept you the way you are.

I fell in love with you for the qualities, abilities, and outlook on life that you have, and won't try to reshape you in a different image.
I promise to respect you as a person with your own interests, desires, and needs, and to realize that those are sometimes different, but no less important than my own.

I promise to keep myself open to you, to let you see through the window of my personal world into my innermost fears and feelings, secrets and dreams.

I promise to grow along with you, to be willing to face change as we both change in order to keep our relationship alive and exciting.

And finally, I promise to love you in good times and in bad, with all I have to give and all I feel inside in the only way I know how ... completely and forever.

It's a promise :)

That you're always mine and I'm always yours.

I'm not just saying it. I mean it.

I know feeling jealous, insecure and all're making our condition worst..

What happened to the Jane that used to trust Jerome?

What happened to the Jane that used to smile like crazy?

What happened to the Jane that used to love Jerome so much that she'd always be happy for him?

Wells, she's gone. Locked deep down in the darkness.

I just don't want to ruin your future at times.

I don't wanna mess up your opportunities of being a successful person.

I feel like I'm dragging you down.

I am wrong.

I know.

I'm trying to be positive YES.

Yesh, I know we will.

Fly to the beautiful Rome and get married there.

It's not a fantasy.

It's a promise, right?

And I know you won't break it.

I know you won't.

I love you..

Happy sixth month anniversary, darls.

Till death do us apart.

I cut myself.

hey people.

When you have both things, sometimes you have to choose one.

But in MY case. I have none.

I have nothing but depression and eff.

I know I'm suppose to be okay.

I know I'm suppose to smile and let go of every shit that happened.

But, I can't.

You know what's the hardest thing?

I know this may make me sound really selfish but you know what?

living.

I feel like dying all the time.

I ain't kidding.

No one understands how I feel.

When people, friends etc etc tells you they know or they'd be here for you-

Yesh, they WILL. But they really DON'T know how you're feeling.

I feel depressed all the time.

I don't think I deserve all these shit pains.

But yet, I still get all the pain.

Every night, I'd stay up till like what, 3? how late? I don't know-

Staring at the keychain you gave me.

Thinking to myself, Have faith, he loves you. HE'LL WAIT.

Trying to be positive is so hard.

I have to get out of the hole, somehow.

But how?

I feel like such a bitch talking like that.

I always got the feeling- OH he's doing fine without you, Jane.

Let it go. Let it all go..

I know that's just me.

I know that my thoughts are controlling me.

I know that, eventhough the world hates me there's still people in the world who loves me.

Crying- doesn't help much.

Then why am I still crying?

Yesh- because I rely on crying to get me out of matters.

I chose to trust you.

I don't give a shit on how my parents tells me how bad you are.

I just wanna be with you.

Even YY gave me lecture

That was like morphine.

It helps for awhile, and it wears off.

And my depression is back.

I'm sensitive and weak now.

I'm out of my mind.

Sooner or later I might just stop eating. I hate food.

Whats the point of food.

I feel insecure.

Really REALLY insecure.

All the laughing, all the craziness?

Was just a mask.

Sometimes, I feel like giving up life.

I mean it.

But I won't do it.. unless something happens.

Don't worry about me.

You have bigger things to worry about.

iloveyou.

Coba Cobanna

What the Hell.

Hey y'all. Boring boring boring.

Life. My life.

Anyways, I forgotten to bring my laptop out because.. I didn't sleep well (oh yeah, another night of dreaming).

Boo shit, but I did have an awesome day with Dana, Sze, Nicholas and Bra-yan.

I acted really crazy but I had my sorrows in me still.

I ask nic if he replied every few seconds. Boo, you were busy.

Never mind =.=

I made Nick buy me Cotton Candy at Baskin Robins.

He was like NO TOPPINGS.

Remember that flavour?

And what we did over the drip of melted ice cream on the table?

A pink and purple heart shape.

I miss that.

I miss all the old times.

I'm learning to let go..

Not you,silly.

The sad times.

But it's not easy..

it takes time.

More than time.

Eventually, I know I'd heal..

I just need to have faith, in you.

In me.

RAWR.

why did you make me fall in love with you?

WHY?

But I never regret all the ups and DOWNS being with you, don't misunderstand alright?

Synn and Jay are back together.

Seeing her with him made me think of you.

But I'm happy for them.

God bless :)

Wells, nothing much.

Boring post

yada yada.

Good night.

I love you :)

Less than tiga.

big shit.

hi again people.

Saw your blog.

It was uhm.. short.

Whatever.

I feel quite stupid checking it every 5 minutes whereas no one knows how i feel.

I don't know why I'm mad and upset right now.

It's not your fault.

Yeah, leave me rotting I don't care.

Life is uber unfair.

If you find me one day with cuts on my hand don't be surprise.

I just wanna scream so loud-fuck you assholes. Leave me alone!

I hate myself.

to u wit luv

I have an idea. I can talk to you if I don't know thats you. i know its weird like how'd I know its you if I don't know who are you but yeah.. I know I'm retarded but what to do?

Sigh.

Blogging a thousand times a day aint helping. I click on your blog every few minutes to see if you update it.

I know you're prolly busy but Bloggin isn't working so good too.. sigh.

I feel like jumping off a cliff. Thank you.

September Breeze.

I'm back blogging. I'm just gonna write a story here to kill my boredom and let my imaginations set free.

(AHA, you don't need to know about his family and crap. JUST GO ALONG with the story.)

'Dude, you can't make me go on a date with her. She's a monster, man!' Toby argued over the phone with his friend; Jeff. 'Just give her a chance alright? I'll pick you up at say, 7.30 p.m alright? YOU CAN'T SAY NO', Jeff hung up. Moaning, Toby glanced at the clock on his study and sat on his bed thinking how to reject the girl Jeff had just set him up with. He went out with her once and his date didn't turned out to be the way he expected. He sighed and changed into the blue shirt his sister got him for Christmas.

He waited at the Restaurant not far from his apartment called La Rux and got a seat next to the window. That bastard, how am I going to tell Amanda this is the last time I'll ever be going out with her? He thought. Just then, a girl with a white top and mini skirt in heels came skipping happily across the room. Oh boy,here it goes Toby sigh and forced a smile. He stood up and pulled the chair for the cheerful Amanda.

'Hey, Amanda! Uhm, I have to tell you something. Wells..' Toby muttered, and before he could finish Amanda budged in ' OH MY GOSH, I'd like a lobster and what was it you wanna say? OH YES! That YOU love me, right?!'. Toby was frazzled on how he should start the sentence, of course, he doesn't wanna break her heart but he had enough of this. Thanks to Jeff, now Toby's surely gonna get him back for this. 'No, Amanda, listen, this is the last time I'm ever going out with you',he blurted out 'I'm sorry but I have to go'. He stood up and left the table, leaving Amanda speechless. He went back to his apartment and called Jeff.

'Jeff, I told her I ain't going out with her anymore.'

'Her? Her who?'

'AMANDA, you asshole. You set me up with her now you're acting like you know no shit about it?'

'OH RIGHT! HER, AMANDA. Wells, you don't like her? I have plenty of other pretty babies for 'ya'

'NO THANKS, no more blind dates from you. It's not bad being single. I'm done alright?'

By that Toby hung up. Sigh, when is he gonna give up? And when will I ever find my other half? He fell asleep after sinking into his deep thoughts.

The next day, Toby woke up to the sounds of his alarm clock. He dragged himself to the bathroom to get ready for school. Afterall, he doesn't wanna be late on his first day of school. After getting ready, he went to the kitchen and found a piece of toast and a piece of yellow post it stuck next to the toast

*Teddy, I've made toast.

have fun in school alright?

I'll see you later.

-Mandy.

Mandy's Toby's sister. By 12 years older than him. Their Dad is in the army and their Mom died while giving birth to Toby. (Don't laugh I tell you.) Toby drove his Honda to school and as he turned into the parking lot, people started staring and soon whisper filled the air. He got down and went to find his locker.

As he walked past some lockers, girls started flirting with him but he paid no attention to them. He was too busy looking at his locker slip and crash, papers and books flew everywhere, ahh the classic. Knocking over someone, meeting them and falling in love- excuse me? Back to reality!

'Like dude! You should really watch where you're going!' The girl on the floor shriek while picking up her stuff. People around were giggling and started calling out names. 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean it.. there.' Toby smiled handing the book to her. The girl stood up and her heart skipped a beat when she saw Toby's face. 'Uhm.. yeah, thanks. Wells, you're new right?', she asked with a smile now. Not bad eh?

' Yeah, Toby. You?'

'Alex. Can I help you get to class?'

'Yea,sure. Maths, Mr. Lee's.'

'Oh, wow. Nice. It's right over there. Go straight and turn left. See you', Alex smirked and left.

What does she mean by "see you"? And by that he went to Mr. Lee's class.

***

To be continued.

Hey, people. I know its lame. Like I said. Just to kill boredom and let my effing imaginations run.

Blog please.. iloveyou..

pop goes the weasel.

I got a story to tell today.

I'm gonna spend my whole day blogging. How surprising is that?

Wells, blogging helps keep my mind calm. I slept at 2.30 last night

I couldn't really sleep 'cuz I kinda spent my night texting a friend telling him all my sorrows.

He didn't turn out to be a big help. boo.

He told me to stop torturing myself.

I don't get him in some sense.

I fell asleep anyways.

It's nerve wreckin to over think.

I don't have the mood to eat.

But I did anyways.. Shoved it into my mouth..

Chew. Swallow.

That's how I live now.

I feel like throwing up all the time.

Its not that I don't wanna let go things abit.

What DO I have to let go? I got nothing left.

That makes sense.

You can ask my friends how depressed I am.

I don't feel like eating. like seriously. I feel like puking all the effin time.

I have too much to tell now.

Stupid depressions.

Its not that I chose to.

It's something that grew on me.

I love you but everything's so depressing around me.

Faking a smile doesn't seem to work. It's like, having cancer but not telling the world.

It's like falling down and not getting up..

It's like cutting yourself and the wound won't heel.

I'm having flu. Which is a good thing.

Thanks god. So my mom can't tell if I cried or just having a bad flu.

I'm lying to the world. with the same trick.

I'm just having a bad flu.

I feel bad lying to my best friends but I can't help not doing it.

She has her problems. I don't wanna be a burden.

It's torture.

I woke up. Felt like shit.

Days passing by just feels like crap.

You can ask Synn how I feel.

We're webbing.

The end.

P.S iloveyou.

Soaked

Hey, guys.

Having trouble breathing due to my blocked nose.

Ha-ha. Have fun laughing

I think I'm just gonna party till tomorrow never comes on Saturday.

My girlfriends and I are going out. Hell yeah :)

Don't worry.

I ain't getting drunk.

Just wanna have a blast.

Get my mind off of the frigging depression I'm having.

I can't stop listening to Thunder.

I miss you so much, it hurts.

I feel like dying.

I'm sick.

I couldn't sleep.

I dreamt of YOU.

I had dreams like 4 nights in a row.

You were in 3 dreams.

I know its weird.

Sigh.

I should stop this.

I miss him like so badly.

Guys, help me.

Life is bad.

My depressions are getting worst.

It's not your fault so don't blame yourself.

ILY

Sudoku.

Horrible day.

I woke up fuggin' early and went to Ikea-AGAIN.

Wells, apparently I went there alone.

Haha, not alone alone.

Alone as in my sis and bro weren't there.

Sis has school.

Rick has tuition.

Left me.

With my parents.

They apparently went shopping by themselves, leaving me behind.

I walked as slowly as I could.

Boo. And I catched by the way.

I miss you so effing much.

Do you feel the same way?

I wonder.

Sometimes, I feel that MAN, will he wait?

I know it's retarded to think like that but can't help it.

Just the thought of you leaving muoi makes me cry.

I hate it. I hate myself alot.

Lately, I think I've become those weird one of a kind bitches.

Wait wait wait, not just weird one of a kind bitch, the EMO kind.

Whee. One of a kind.

I ain't quite feeling well.

I wish I know what's wrong with me.

I feel like the world's against me.

Especially my brother.

And sister.

And mom.

And Rick.

And daddy.

Pretty much the whole family?

What can I do?

Somepart in me changed.

I don't want to but, I guess I did.

Don't worry I still have the olds in me.

Life is a full piece of crap.

Dying soon.

Love is blind, So is the world :O

JANE 8D

by Matthew :)

Hey,people.

I'm back!

Man, I missed you so much blogger!

It has been two days? Since I've blogged.

Anyways, I'm here to boast about my new table.

My room is complete!

Wells, kinda.

Woke up early in the morning since Mom turned off the air-cond.

BOO.

Got ready and went Ikea :)

How nice is THAT?

Haha, anyways bought a whole load of furnitures!

A coffee table, my study, two table add-ons and my dresser :)

Ooh lala~

BORING!

Sigh :

I miss ya so much!

Each day passes slower and slower.

The time passes slower too.

Who am I kidding?

Myself?

It's just me who's thinking too much.

Bitch.

Anyways,

do you miss me?

do you miss the old times?

do you miss how your phone rings or beeps when a message or a call gets in?

do you miss looking at my smile?

OH GOD.

What the hell is wrong with me?

I'm so obsessive.

Not once, not twice but always!

SHIT YOU JANE.

I HATE YOU.

YOU BITCH.

NOTHING BUT A BIG OBSESSIVE BITCH.

I'm not being dramatic

I'm just being me.

Have fun reading.

I shall say good night :O

Iloveyou.

Shattered stars.

Did I put this picture before? :)

Moving in today was frigging exhausting.

But everything was worth it :)

My room is finally pretty~

Haha, my shelve is full of my crap cuz I don't have a study =P

My bedsheet's purple.

Everything's perfect :)

Hmm.. Yeou Yen came to help.

Didn't really talk to him.

ANYWAYS, During my this year before-school-started holiday

I folded a jar of stars. You know the big Ikea star-shaped jar.

I took off the lid to add in two more stars and I forgotten to close it back tightly

and guess what

I wanted to put my cds onto where the jar is so I took it up and SLIP the whole jar came smashing onto the floor.

All I can think of that time was my whole holiday went smashing on the floor.

I screamed.

Lucky enough the jar didn't came smashing onto my foot/feet.

But I was really upset.

All the things i did, the wishes I wished?

They're all gone.

Shattered.

All the stars. Shattered.

Sigh, the glass were shattered really badly and my parents rushed in.

Mom had a broom in her hand and dad? He was just rushing in to see if I was okay.

I got out of the mess safely.

While my mom was sweeping,

I sat there looking at all those stars and I thought, would WE end up like that?

Anyways, I cut myself with a tiny piece of glass.

It hurt really badly, but not as bad as the time when all the shit happened.

My foot feels better now.

I miss you..

That's all.

Thanks Dana :) for being there for me today.

Love you lots honey!!

Don't forget it,

I love you.

Bless her black heart :)

Wells! Hello there people, first of all I wanna reply somebody's blog post.

DUDE, get a life. First of all, if you say till dating is like KILLING someone it's YOUR problem la.

Many people're like dating nowadays, so WE'RE all wild. WOW. Okay, here's a newsflash for you.

You're just JEALOUS you can't find someone you like, who likes you back.

Die la bitch. I'm improving on my grades. Dating and studies are TWO FUCKIN' different thing.

I have no intentions of talking to YOU when school reopens. HAHA.

Prolly send Synn Yi back home. Die la you.

Hey y'all.!

I had another tiring day.

Nothing much to do though but still, we fixed the bed, moved a bookshelve into my room and and put clothes into my wardrobe!

I left Banana there cuz I don't wanna move him in tomorrow with the other stuff (:

Anyways, my room is really nice now with the curtains!

Man you should see!

My bathroom's really nice too!

The tap's like a bowling ball and the basin is like shiney and glittery!

Like some bowling alleys' toilet.

RAWR :

I miss ya.

I couldn't stop thinking about ya.

Sigh, life sucks.

I can't talk to you. BOO.

I sat in my room thinking about you.

Thoughts of the old times kept soaking my mind.

It drowned me awhile until my sis came in my room and started talking to me.

Oh wells.

I guess things gotta wait now (:

Life's a big bore.

Miss you loads.

I Love You :)

Haha, Happy douche day :)

Look at that not so cute SMILE :)

Hey, just read all of your blogs people (:

It's time I tell my story!

I woke up at 7.30-ish and got ready for tuition.

BORING. LALALA.

Got to tuition, clas started bla bla as usual.

Kinda backstabbed Ninja. I DON'T WANNA BE EVIL.

But sometimes? You just got to.

For unreasonable people.

Anyways, DEM YOU CHICKEN LITTLE, LOOK AT SOMEONE ELSE!

It's irritating that he's always trying to act cool infront of me.

GET LOST.

HAHA.

After tuition I went to my house straight away.

Rick, mommy and daddy and I began cleaning,sweeping, mopping and throwing stuff.

It was really fun but tiring and dirty at the same time.

I couldn't stop singing Fall For You and Rick?

He was like mopping, singing, mopping more. Sing again.

WEIRDO!

MY ROOM IS NICE NOW!

I couldn't stop thinking about YA too, darling(s)!

This is my story :~

I know what you mean.

I'm not those type of person that'll give up easily.

One day not talking to you makes my heart ache but

my mom told me if she finds out one more time?

She's FRIGGING cane me.

I don't know, I don't wanna risk it.

Everyday I'll look at the sky

thinking of you.

It hurts so badly in here, on the left :O

Wells,

I promise everything I said. You have to,too!

I'll take care.

My back's starting to hurt now.

Life's hard and miserable.

I get bullied all the time.

I sometimes hate talking.

I have no one to talk to at home

Until I found someone, myself.

HELL NO, I'm not talking to myself like mad,

what i mean is, the inner me.

It helps to calm me down.

Helps making me feel better.

You should TRY that too :)

Wells, Every song reminds me of you.

Really.

Everysong I hear. I listen.

You would pop out of my head!

You're my special little babee.

Thanks so much! FOR EVERYTHING.

I LOVE YOU

Douche bag

No offence but I'm here to stand up for my little DANA YEOH :)

Forget about him.

I know it's hard and you know..

I know how it feels but think again, there's many more guys outside.

More ikan bakars :)

So don't worry.

There're less good guys but you can find one.

Don't worry!

:)

We love you.

Dying of Sin.

I am fun size :)

Okay, God, if you ever want to punish me for talking to him,
Please don't let my parents go crazy that's all.
Why can't they calmly talk to me?
Erk herm, I can see why they don't. Can't, actually.
So, please don't let dad know.



Sigh, It's been days since I've ever talked to him and and and I had a NIGHTMARE last night.
Nah, you don't need to know! No Not you silly, YOU.!
I guess talking to him reduced my mad-ness.
But I'm just gonna act like I didn't, just like yesterday.
I know I probably can't fool them but yeah.
Why can't daddy just let me be with him.


I don't get their problem, at all!
A child could never possibly know how it feels
But I've TRIED to.
Anyways, I can't always talk to him.

Probably just once in awhile?
And I'll have to find a way to live.



Dear you.
I mean what I said too.
But if, I'm saying IF I ever get hurt I'm just gonna give up everything and you know what's right and wrong what i like and don't like.
I know I'm pushy and crazy sometimes but,
I trust you.
I love you.
I don't wanna have an unhappy ending again this time.
I really want us to last.
I've already broken so many rules in the house.
I know I'm retarded.
I have faith in you.
College girls? Eff off, bitches.
He's minee!

So zip back your pants and lay off.

Its not an easy road you know?
And we have to nail it.
4 years? 4 Years la!
It'll past, and I swear no guy or girl will come between us.


My emotions aren't freaking stable though but yeah, I'll try to be okay at times.
Eat more.? Hmm.... NAH.
Thanks for everything :)



I Love You :)

The attacking cells.

I'm sorry that I can't help to not worry or think or stuff. You know?

It hurts so badly just thinking of you getting drunk.

I don't ever wanna see that..

I mean, what if you do something wrong?

I've a little too much about people getting drunk and doing stupid stuff and guess what??

Kiran just told me you guys are planning one party after spm.

Bigger, better, drunker!

Can you please don't get yourself drunk as hell this time?

I don't mid you drinking, just not over like that day.

I don't want anything to happen to you.

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW IT FEELS SITTING HERE KNOWING YOU'RE DRUNK AND I CAN'T DO ANYTHING OR TALK TO YOU.

It hurts so bad.

I feel misereble all the fuckin' time.

I can't text you, can't msn.

I feel like cutting myself.

I may look okay but inside?

Each day is getting worst..

Each day is making me weaker..

Each day, I'm feeling nothing but pain.

And more pain..

The world is so unfair..

I don't know what to do right now.. I really wanna talk to you

But I don't wanna risk getting thrown out of the house by my dad.

Getting hated by my parents, saiblings, Family.

I don't want to but I can't stand not talking to you..

I sometimes think I'm quite selfish.

I sometimes think that I don't deserve such a great guy like you.

You don't deserve such terrible person like me.

I know it hurts you by talking like that but I can't help it.

My emotions are toying me like hell.

I am okay one minute but I'm not okay the next.

I know it's kinda annoying but I finally know how the feeling of bleeding love feels.

I finally know what pain is..

The feeling of your stomach churnning whenever you think or see or whatever-lah of that person who you loved getting hurt or so..

The thoughts can go so far that you'd over look or come many things.

I just want you to be safe.

I want you to always know that i love you.

I need you to always know that I'm here for you.

I need you to live..

I'm fuckin' serious.

I have no mood to joke.

I don't think I am ever the same person that I was.

I'm going now.

I love you, baby.

hungover.

You were drunk last night and I couldn't text you and ask if you're OK.
And I just saw your facebook wall, like girls were asking if you're okay and all?
That made me feel really bad.
Feel jealous and everything.
I couldn't DO anything.. It hurts so bad in here.
I love you and I couldn't sleep last night thinking about YOU.

My mind could only project your face smiling
And hearing that you were drunk made me feel really Really upset and bad.
I just want you to know what you're everything to me you know?

I didn't see you for ages, I didn't text you for ages, I didn't hear from you for ages..
It's a terrible feeling..


I love you..
Promise you'd not give up on me?
I really trust you..
You mean everything to me and I'm not just saying that.
I mean IT.

I weren't there when you're drunk..
Remember what you told me last time?
That you'd take care of me if I got drunk
and I'd do the same if YOU were,
But I wasn't there.
I didn't see you for weeks and my heart aches everytime I think of you.
I wish I was there to hug you and be with you,
and tell you not to drink so much.

I feel that the crap happened all because of me.
Everything was my fault.

Promise me this would be the last time you'd drink.
(ps, I wanna know what you cursed last night :[ )
Please..

I Love You :)
Take care darling.

I miss you

Hey, my second post of the day.

I just wanna tell you I miss you..

Bet you're having fun now.

Glad you are.

Wells, Life seems empty and boring without you.

Learning a way to survive it seems impossible. Boo.

You know?

I still remember you didn't let me sit beside your friend during the battle of the bands because he's pervy?

Thanks.

It's really sweet that you're so protective..

My dad shocked me..

Wells, I was lucky to closed this thing on time.. He was warning me about stuff so

I guess this is it :P

ILY - less than three

The crying.

Dear, nutcase.

Yesterday, Talitha, Nick JT, Bryan and my dear Dana came over to Midvalley.

I had fun but my mind wouldn't stop me from thinking about you.

Me and Tali went to F.O.S and tried on the Stewie shirt..

I remembered that I tried on the shirt with you that time.

Good memoriess :)

We walked over to Gardens and happened to stop by at Borders.

I couldn't help but wandered to our spot,

I sat there, thinking of you and tears started rolling down my cheeks..

It was a dreadful moment as I don't like embarrassing myself infront of them but I couldn't help it anyways..

Bryan bought me a starbucks lollipop.

Eventhough it was cherry, I ate it anyways.

Nick took some tissues and gave them to me.

Thanks guys.

I took a purple pen from the stationary section and doodled our initials on the wall beside our spot.

Thanks to Nick, Tali and Bryan they blocked me from the cctv.

I left the pen at some corner.

I miss you. Do you know that??

I kept thinking that you'd leave me but I was wrong.

I'm sorry.

I couldn't find a perfect person to talk to..

No one could ever replace you.

ILY

Janey♥

J♥J

Sorry, I'm such a dunggu.

Hey I just wanna say,

I don't mean to make you upset and stuff in that post..

I just can't help feeling this way, you know?

Everything is torture..

When I see you online and I can't talk to you??

It KILLS.

I'm serious..

I mean after all that happened just made me weaker..

Made me scared and feel unwanted just by a little excuse or so..

I mean, I just got more and more sensitive and demanding..

I don't mean to make things that way..

I know you're under alot of pressure and i'm sorry.

I hope you understand and forgive

and don't be mad.

I DO understand how you feel just that, I need to see you so badly.

I didn't talk or see you for merely 2 effing weeks.. It kills me you know??

Almost every second I click on your blog link to see if you blogged about today..

I just am frigging sorry..

I wish nothing ever happened..

I will always love you♥

********

[c=31][s]PIG! xD[/s][/c] says:

Even if u're dead, I doubt he'll rmb u 4ever...

cz once he gets another girl, the whole story changes

[ LittleLii♥ ]™ | J&J says:

...

you wanna make me cry somemore

[c=31][s]PIG! xD[/s][/c] says:

I'm jz telling u

***********

Boo.

Booger, another tiring day.

These days, my life seems so boring that even a 'Your mama' joke couldn't make me feel better.

Anyways, I'm still upset about yesterday.

I guess I was pretty stupid.. Till now.

I mean you can't blame me for feeling or being this way..

Hui Lim told me that even if you're sick?

You'd be there if you really love someone..

Hearing that makes me feel so unwanted..

Do you know?

I walked all the way there just to see if you were there? No, you weren't... I know I can't blame you for that..

After I got home I rest and my legs were numb, my back just ached so badly?

And I had tuition at night..

Things just got worst.

I feel like you wanna escape from the reality leaving me behind in here..

I just got the feeling you don't want anything to do with me anymore..

I know it may seem wrong and stupid for me to post this, but I just can't help it..

I'm just so tired of everything..

Sometimes I just feel like giving up..

I'll stop waiting when I KNOW that, you're not gonna wait anymore

Not 100% guys are going to wait for you like that.

But,

I do trust you but sometimes you gotta believe in reality.

I AM waiting, don't misunderstand but the problem is... How long?

Same to you?

How long will you wait?

One month?

4 months??

One Year?

Or

Till I'm 18?

I'm sorry if I made you unhappy with this post but what I'm saying is reality..

I L Y♥

whatever.

I guess I was pretty stupid hoping that he'd come.

I waited. Waited and waited..

You didn't show up.

Thanks, Chuun. You lost. He DIDN'T..

Whatever.

I don't care..

Why am I such a pooper?

I mean, I should understand he's busy, tired etc etc..

But, I guess I'm just being sensitive and demanding.

Pretty much a bitch.

I feel bad.

I don't wanna end up like this, but everything just made me not vulnerable.

But think again..

I'm quite stupid for looking at the window or staircase every 5 seconds.

Turning my head everywhere incase you might pop out

Or? I don't know.. I went to 100 Yen and memories just popped out, flash backs..

I saw the packet of lollipop and I thought of getting it but I didn't have enough money..

I wanted to cry like everytime YOU came to my mind..

It's like a knife stabbing me..

It has been 2 weeks since I've talked to you..

It's torture seeing you ONLINE but I can't say a word to you.

I've promised my parents I wouldn't do it.

I need a break.

My smile disappear after I finished my plate of food and not seeing you.

I decided to leave.

I just don't know anything anymore..

I'm confused.

I'm tired.

I'm exhausted.

I'm depressed.

I'm just done..

I Love You♥

Misery

I read your blog, it's been days since I've blogged.

With all these shit happening and all the things happening to fast and all?

I miss you so much everyday it hurts!

Reading you blog just made me cry

I'm actually OKAY at school but inside I just am filled with pain.

I tell Nick every single day that I miss you.

Everyday I think of you

Thoughts of you not waiting for me or dating other girls or not wanting me anymore just kills me.

I end up thinking stupid things but I'm waiting for you.

I'm waiting and I have faith in you.

I always tell me friends how much I miss you.

I just wanna look at you.

Just a glimpse of you would make me feel better.

I actually feel better after reading your blog.

I understand how you feel.

My phone's dead too, ever since we stopped texting each other..

I missed the times when I reach home every afternoon and look at my phone with a message that goes ''Hey bii or dear or sweetheart, I'm home! IMYSM.''

It makes me sadder.

Watching love stories and listening to love songs?

The song you always play on guitar? Tears in Heaven?

It's makes me really SAD and I can't help but to think about all the times we've had together..

...I miss you.

I will WAIT.

Thanks for everything.

I love you♥